Best Friend Games
by junebug19
Summary: Clary's POV. Clary and Jace are best friends in high school. A silly game unexpectedly pushes them together and suddenly it feels like they should be a lot more than that. But nothing's ever easy especially when Clary's former crush is now interested and Jace doesn't want to jeopardize their friendship. M because I can get into graphic details.
1. Chapter 1 Party Games

One minute I'm glaring at him, a fierce warning on my face. Don't you dare come near me, sopping wet, straight out of the pool, eyes brimming with sparkling mischief. And then he pounces. I'm flailing over his shoulder, slapping at his back, but of course he just laughs and races back to the pool, propelling us both into the screaming cold waters.

And then I'm sputtering out water, bobbing up in an exasperated woosh. There he is, only a foot away. I launch myself at him, eager to exact revenge but he's prepared for it and easily holds me back. He is more than a foot taller than me and clearly has the brute strength to handle way more force than I can exert but we're both wet and slippery and I slip through his grasp, dive back into the water and pull his legs back, flinging him face first into the water.

It's not much of a victory but I'll take it. He's back up on his legs again, shaking the water out of his blonde locks and grinning fiendishly.

"Truce, truce!" he bellows out, hands lifted and ready to throw down if I don't concede.

"I didn't want to get in the pool, you ass," I gripe but I'm in no mood for further tussling. I head back to the pool's edge, heavy streams of water dripping off the curls I had left long and loose against my back. I give him one quick murderous look to make sure he isn't preparing a sneak assault before I turn around and swing myself out. I can't help but register his long, lean, sinewy form and his longish hair already framing his face in wetly gleaming golden ringlets. They would undoubtedly dry straighter and into a perfectly tousled head of flaxen hair around a well-tanned, sculpted face that I seriously just want to grab and smack around a few times.

He seems to have some evil sixth sense. It's like whenever I think I've actually managed to get a killer vibe going on, he pops up to muss my hair, toss me around until I'm dizzy or throw me into a pool of water.

"Don't get all pissy," he calls out his version of an apology. "We're at a pool, you're supposed to get wet."

"Damn you, Jace Herondale," I mutter. I know it's pointless. I can never really stay mad at him. As much as I'd like to smack him half the time he's within reaching distance, he's also my best friend.

He gives me a winning smile. I wrap my towel around myself and survey the growing crowd.

"Relax, your platinum stallion hasn't graced us with his presence yet," Jace proceeds to be his charming self. He gracefully springs out of the pool, then turns and sits at the ledge. "He won't care you're all wet, anyway. In fact," he smirks, "I'm pretty sure he'll like you better this way."

I wish I could deny it but Jace knows me too well for that. It's not like I ever acknowledge it but Jace can pretty much read my face and I don't know what it's saying but every time I see Jonathan Morgenstern I know my heart starts beating double time. Plus, I suppose it doesn't help that Jace found my sketch of Jonathan, his white blonde hair windblown and perfectly framing his face as he poses majestically on top of a pure white horse.

"Shut up," I grouse.

Jace may know about Jonathan but I'm pretty sure I've kept this crush a secret otherwise. Jace laughs knowingly and turns his eyes away to scan the growing crowd.

"Picking out your next victim?" I ask while I pull a towel over my hair.

"You mean the lucky winner? Not really," he shrugs, "but I'll let you know if I see anything interesting."

There's something in his tone that tells me his attention is already piqued. I look up at him and am momentarily distracted by the shine in his golden eyes. OK, I can admit it in the deep, dark recesses of my own mind. Jace is a babe. Not like Jonathan, of course. I mean obviously I don't think about Jace like that but seeing as how we are besties and that is pretty common knowledge among our high school populace, I've been approached more times than I can count by some random female pumping me for his details. Is he seeing anyone? Who's his type? Can you give him my number? So, all that to say, yeah, Jace is attractive and he knows it.

"Ah ha," a wolfish grin forms over his mouth. "The games are beginning."

I turn away from him and follow his gaze. A bristling crowd has formed by the patio behind Sienna's large white house. I've been here enough times for the parties Sienna throws monthly but it's not like I'm exactly used to the place.

Sienna Lee is fabulously rich and beautiful. Everyone calls her Seelie and it's general knowledge that her parties are the place to be and when you enter her domain it's her court. So, Seelie is used to being Queen Bee and this queen has a particular penchant for randomly obnoxious games that most partiers consider a hoot unitl they find themselves in her veritable crosshairs. I suppose the girl who has it all has to get her kicks somehow. Unfortunately for us mere mortals permitted in her presence, Seelie has a sixth sense for sniffing out a person's vulnerable spots and gets her perverse rocks off exposing them for her amusement.

I'm really not interested in whatever spectacle Seelie has in mind and am about to say as much to Jace when he swings an arm around my shoulders and hustles me toward the action.

"Jace," I silently warn through the side of my mouth. He should be able to tell I'm not happy but he just shoots me a lopsided grin.

"Oh, come on. I think I spotted you know who over there," he lifts an eyebrow suggestively and suddenly I'm not so resistant.

I'm distracted now, scanning across the sunstreaked heads, tanned limbs, a motley of sun kissed youths jostling together, all the while Jace keeps pushing us forward. Before I know it, he's right there maybe two yards away looking like he just stepped out of some glossy fashion shoot. His shining white blonde hair is tied back behind his perfectly molded head. He could be a Grecian god but so much better than any I've ever seen cast in marble models or renaissance paintings. He's just the perfection that artists strive for but can never quite capture. They probably think this level of hotness can't possibly exist. The unique pallor of his hair is set off by the deepest blackest eyes that sweep briefly past me and my breath catches in my throat.

As if he can hear my totally transfixed, lustful attention, his gaze jumps back to me, locking eyes, and after a few thudding heartbeats hammering through my chest, the corners of his lips lift slightly. I think I might faint.

Before my head can clear up, Seelie's trilling voice cuts through the air.

"Today's frolic will include ten gentlemen and ten ladies of my choosing."

I can't help but appreciate the musical yet commanding sound of her voice. Also, any seventeen year old who can get away with saying frolic and describe the teenage horde at her pool party as gentlemen and ladies has got to get some respect. She grew up in some highfalutin English estate and her British accent seems to cement her royal status over all of us. Well, everyone except Jonathan. I mean royalty cannot surpass a god.

"I shall write the participants' names on these slips," Seelie waves lavender and sea green post its above her head in a grand fashion. "Boy's in green and girl's in violet," so now we're boys and girls. "They will be folded so the names are concealed."

I wonder at how she manages to appear bored and amused at the same time.

"All twenty names shall be placed in this glass bowl."

She lifts a domed fish bowl for us all to see, her green eyes glittering.

"I shall select each green slip and call out the boy's name. He will then come up and choose another slip from this bowl to pair up with," she pauses dramatically, then continues, "Each pair will couple up for the duration of this day. They must stay together and demonstrate a convincing show of affection while they are publicly mingling. They will also spend a private hour alone in the guest rooms. When they come out, they must both reveal a hickey ..."

There's a hint of smile on Seelie's face and the tips of her sharp incisors reveal themselves on her glossed lips.

"On their ass," she continues. She even manages to say 'ass' with flourishing formality.

She looks up at the sky thoughtfully, "or their inner thigh," she finishes.

She glances around us with a generous expression on her face.

I shrug and turn to walk away. I've never been voyeuristic enough to appreciate Seelie's side party antics but they're always a hot topic at school until her next blow out party. I don't even think it's so much a sex thing although this one's pushing it. Seelie usually has some exhibitionist display but hickeys on the nether regions is a little too far. Her game is usually more a 'reveal an intimate side of yourself that you had no intention of making public thing.' I inevitably feel sorry for the victims while everyone else seems to eat it up. I'm thinking I'm not alone in my assessment on this particular game when I see more than a few heads turning away.

I'm about to shuffle along when my movements are arrested by the sound of Jonathan's low mellow voice. "Why don't I select the girls?"

He's reaching over to take the purple post its from Seelie and it's hard to make out her reaction. She looks a little stiff, clearly not expecting an alteration to her plans.

"Don't tell me you can't hang with the big dogs," Jonathan's black eyes are fixed on Seelie and I can feel a collective in drawn breath all around me. "Besides, this has got to get boring for you. Just standing back and watching the rest of us. Maybe you should join in the fun." There's a clear challenge in his drawling sexy voice, in the lounging stance of his lean form.

"Very well, Jonathan," Seelie answers, slowly folding her hands into her arms. I can see she's relinquished the purple post its with the slips slightly waving in Jonathan's right hand. They're both still staring at each other and it's like we're all frozen, bearing witness to something … momentous.

"So," Seelie breaks the steely stare-down with Jonathan and sweeps her eyes over the crowd, "you all know the drill, if you're in my-or-our immediate sightline," she glances at Jonathan, "you're fair game. If you're too scared to play, away – now."

I'm mesmerized by the two of them, both so tall and perfect as if they were made for one another. I can't stop myself. I have to watch this play out. I want to watch this drama unfold like some Shakespearean tragedy. As beautiful as they both are, I can't imagine some romantic comedy unfold between them. It would have to be something much more about power than passion.

"Pair o' freaks, right?" Jace nudges me back to the here and now.

"Wha-?" I mutter.

Jace gives me a puzzled look, then pulls my hand. "Isn't it time to va-moosh?"

"You're leaving?" I answer, a little baffled.

Jace lifts a corner of his mouth and shrugs. "Yeah, this time I think I'll join you instead."

For as long as we've been attending Seelie's shindigs, Jace has always figured prominently in Seelie's games. I'm convinced the boy had no shame. As much as Seelie's tried, I've never seen him truly flustered. Once she had him running around in antler ears and in the barest speedos imaginable. He pretended some embarrassment but I could tell it didn't faze him. More galling than that was that these situations just elevated his popularity at school. Most of the kids consider him the epitome of cool and I if I'm being honest, there's a lot worse to see than Jace's bod in speedo thongs.

"C'mon," Jace emphasizes with a more fervent head shake away.

I move automatically away with Jace, my hand still shelved in his. I know I'll come back to see who Jonathan ends up with but Jace is right. I don't belong here.

We're trudging away when Seelie's voice rings out loudly with displeasure, "Jace Herondale, where are you going?"


	2. Chapter 2 Yolo?

Jace releases my hand and we both turn back to face Seelie. I've got a sinking feeling in my gut like we're eight again and just got called out by our third grade teacher, Sister Hodge, at Saint Xavier's. And just like when we were kids, caught blue handed dying the school's breakfast oatmeal a vibrant shade of cornflower blue, Jace takes a step in front of me. Of course I know what he's doing. He's trying to shield me and it reminds me why I love the guy, despite all the incessant aggravation thar comes with him.

"Get outta here," he quickly whispers at me before he directs his full attention to Seelie.

As if. No way in hell I'm leaving him alone in a scrape. He should know better but he's clearly not thinking about me anymore. He's in full charm mode, a blinding white smile on his undaunted face.

"Excuse me, fair lady," he speaks in a voice both friendly and flirtatious. "I'm bowing out of today's frolic."

Seelie lifts one immaculately groomed eyebrow and one equally immaculately manicured hand lands lightly on her hip. "And why is that?" she asks in a soft yet imperious voice.

You can honestly hear a pin drop. I want to do something but I know Seelie won't take kindly to anything I have to say. I suppose I haven't kowtowed enough to her. I can tell she doesn't like me and that normally doesn't bother me cause the feeling is mutual. I know I'm only invited to her festivities because of Jace. We're like polar opposites except for the same unfortunate shade of red hair. Although it clearly does not detract from her model perfect looks whereas I'm quite sure any other color would suit me better but my mom refuses to let me change it.

"Stakes are just a little too high on this one, darling," Jace chuckles, exuding a relaxed nonchalance but I can tell he's not so laissez faire.

I can feel the tension emanating from his shoulders and want to at least give his hand a squeeze to let him know I'm there, I've got his back, but I've got a feeling that wouldn't help. Probably just set Seelie off seeing me in the periphery.

The air between them seems to vibrate.

"What ever are you talking of?" Seelie finally speaks. "What stakes? It's all just fun and games and you've always been such a good sport about my recreational activities."

"I apologize," Jace appears duly abashed, "Not purposely trying to be obtuse with my language. I suppose the lines in this game are drawn just a little too far for my taste, but that's just me, of course."

"But Jace, darling, I'm counting on you," Seelie says almost imploringly, which translates to a marginally less haughty tone. "How about this," she continues. "If you are convincingly affectionate during the public display, I will modify your private hour terms. Does that suit you?"

"So, does that mean I will not be required to give and receive a mouth sucking induced mark where the sun doesn't usually shine?" Jace asks in a calmly modulated tone.

"As long as the pda is sufficient, then you will not be required to spend a private hour alone with your paired companion," Seelie nods with a beneficent smile. It would be quite lovely if her eyes were not so predatory.

"And who will decide if the pda is sufficient?" Jace asks agreeably.

"I will," Seelie answers indignantly. "And I can assure you I will be perfectly reasonable in my assessment. Do you doubt me?"

"Oh, not at all," Jace shakes his head remorsefully. "It's only that this is a fairly subjective call and your opinion of sufficient pda may be markedly different from my own."

Seelie's green eyes flash. "This is getting a little tedious, darling, but since you seem to demand minute instructions ... constant contact, at least ten open mouthed tongue kisses, each at least a minute long, and some heavy petting should do."

Jace stands still for a long moment but finally nods his agreement. His playfulness returns with a grand bow. "As always, my pleasure to serve you, fair lady."

"I suppose these special arrangements only apply to Jace," Jonathan remarks good naturedly.

Seelie's head whips around to Jonathan and I swear the daggers are out. I almost laugh but manage to stifle it with just a few silent hiccups.

"That's right," Seelie answers with a snap. "All the other participants will adhere to the original rules."

"Of course," Jonathan smiles. "Oh, Jace," he calls out, oddly jovial.

Jace shifts his head, regarding Jonathan quizzically. I've never actually seen the two of them interact, which only now strikes me as a little odd. They're the most popular and best-looking boys at school. You'd think there would be some male bonding over their commonalities but, no. Well, it's a big school. Over five hundred kids in our junior class alone and Jonathan's a year older anyway.

"That's not strictly true, what you were saying, that this particular game crossed the line, just for you?" Jonathan questions affably.

Jace doesn't answer but the slight movement of his head telegraphs his unspoken confusion.

"Well, it just seemed like you were dragging your little friend out with you," Jonathan adds. "What's her name again?"

"Her name is Clary," Seelie answers. She looks annoyed just saying my name. I'm not surprised she knows it though, if only to include on her shit list.

"Very nice," Jonathan gives Seelie a grateful look and scribbles a name onto a purple post it before he drops it into the fish bowl set on the blue green tiled mosaic table between them.

Seelie looks momentarily surprised but then her expression changes. She seems to grow taller, her face glows with genuine delight. She's preening.

"Well, that does it for me," Jonathan rubs his hands together. "How about you, Seelie? Are you done?"

Seelie collects a small pile of green slips and with an elegant sweep of her hands, drops them into the same fishbowl. "Yes, I am."

"What was that?" Jace speaks in a strange voice.

"What was what?" Jonathan responds innocently.

"That last post-it. That wasn't—" Jace stops.

I'm relieved he's stopped. I'm not sure what's going on. Why Jonathan wanted to know my name. Why Seelie looks as pleased as punch. It's all bizarre but I know for sure I don't like the way Jace sounds. Dangerous. I've only ever heard him sound like that once before, months ago and it preceded an awful fight when some drunk college goon wouldn't take his hands off me. We'd snuck out to hang at some midnight beach party. I was actually grateful for Jace's aggression at first since I was honestly scared when the idiot wouldn't back off even after I'd slapped him hard across the face. But I felt horrible when the cops showed up and ended up hauling Jace away in handcuffs. So yeah, he's gotta stay on his best behavior unless he wants a permanent black mark on his record and end up in juvie or something worse.

But why is this happening now? Why does Jace sound like that when he asked Jonathan about that post-it? – and then logic slams into my stupid head.

"You can't put her name in the bowl," Jace enunciates slowly. "The rules. She's gotta be in your sightline."

I feel numb, staring straight into Jace's back. He's got a nice back. Almost as nice as his front. It's really quite impressive.

Jonathan scowls mockingly and suddenly it makes me feel a little sick.

"She's right behind you," Jonathan smirks while Seelie studies Jace.

She's enjoying this, there's no doubt. She's like some kind of soul sucking vampire, feeding off people. I would like to run up to her and scratch her eyes out but I'm much more concerned with watching Jace. He stiffens all over and slowly turns his head.

Exasperation is clear in his narrowed golden eyes and lips thinned in a grimace.

"What are you doing here?" Jace hisses at me.

Guilt rises up in me and it's galling. I'm about to go on autopilot and make some snide response explaining my theories on existential metaphysics when he straightens his head and turns back to Seelie. I'm wondering if he honestly thinks I'll just disappear behind him.

"Well, that's it for me," Jace shrugs at Seelie. "I guess we're leaving and don't worry we're not expecting an invitation back anytime soon."

Seelie widens her eyes, her expression blazing. I'm pretty sure if she could shoot laser beams from her eyes, we'd both be burnt toast. "Do you really think that's all you'd suffer for ... disappointing me?" she says in such a polite lyrical voice I'm convinced she really meant to offer us tea.

Jace sighs unconcernedly, "Ostracism, bullying, possibly a beatdown, maybe a slow and torturous death? I think I'll get over it."

"Why don't you let Clary decide if she wants to leave or not," Jonathan interjects and I'm overwhelmed by his black gaze.

I can't believe I entertained a twinge of nausea looking at him just a minute ago. There's a dark, stupid sexy promise in his onyx eyes and the fullness of his lips. There's an outright challenge the way he's looking down at me but at the same time an exhilarating invitation as well.

I try to speak but something's blocking my throat.

"C'mon Clary," Jace grabs my hand heading toward the gate.

"I think I'll stay," I manage to cough out.

Jace looks at me incredulously. "Are you serious?" he mutters at me. "I can't bail you out once you're in this shit show." He looks a little upset and I try to reassure him with a smile.

"It's just a game," I tell him. "Yolo?"


	3. Chapter 3 WTF

Jace stares down at me for what feels like forever and when he finally looks away his face is blank. He shakes his head lightly and mutters something about stupid teenage hormones. I might be offended if I didn't know Jace is completely right. Why else am I lining up for slaughter like some dumb animal with a pea sized brain? The sheer possibility that I may end up making out with Jonathan Morgenstern has me fired up and ready to jump right into shark infested waters. Jace cracks his neck with a swift motion of his head making that horrible sound that he knows I detest.

"You win," he shrugs to no one in particular.

"I always win," Seelie evidently thinks he's talking to her, although I'm not sure about that.

I move my eyes away from Jace, toward Seelie. She doesn't look happy despite her 'win'. She looks miffed and I hope she won't hold it against Jace.

I know it's a bad idea since I lose all rational thought every time I do this but I can't help myself and glance at Jonathan. His face is turned downwards but I'm pretty sure I can make out a hint of a smile on his lips.

There's no trace of that smile when he turns to Seelie. "Shall we get started?"

"Very well," Seelie resumes in her normal bored but elegant tone.

There's a palpable electricity running through the crowd and it's different from the other revelries I've witnessed. My own personal vested interested aside, I'm pretty sure everyone else is excited to see who Seelie gets paired with.

Seelie dips her hand into the bowl and pulls out a green slip of paper. I'm holding my breath waiting for her to read out that first fateful name. She peels back the folded paper with slow deliberation.

"Magnus Bane," she calls out.

My head whirls around searching for the recently graduated outgoing Senior. And there he is, seated in a privileged spot, in the shadow of a large pristinely white umbrella. Next to him, of course, is his constant companion, a pale cool blonde, Camille Bellacourt. I've never talked to either of them but like everyone else here, I know them. Along with Seelie and Jonathan, and I grudgingly suppose Jace too, Magnus and Camille make up our high school's celebrity contingent. At least one of them are fodder for the daily rumor mill. Someone always has something fawning to say about them. I can hardly deny this while I'm daydreaming about Jonathan Morgenstern at least an hour a day.

Anywho, there's Magnus, looking all cool, calm and collected, one dramatic splash of color, a vibrant electric blue studded cuff fitted around his left wrist with the attached hand loosely cupping a tall glass of some clear and sparkly liquid in the sun. He's got mirrored sunglasses on so it's impossible to see his eyes but I can imagine their intense purple slitted gaze. The only indication he's heard Seelie is the slight turn of his head toward her direction.

"We're waiting, darling," Seelie trills sweetly at him.

Magnus' hand lifts away from his drink. "Sunshine, I thought we discussed my proclivities toward your … games."

I'm a little amazed by this but I could swear Seelie looks like she might be sweating. There's a faint sheen on her porcelain skin.

"I suppose you can thank Jonathan for the," she pauses briefly before continuing, "modifications. Obviously, you understand darling my choices have had to change since …" she doesn't finish and she doesn't need to.

It should actually be flattering to any male names in that bowl. Clearly, Seelie would only put in the names of boys she would be willing to swap spit with. And it's clearly too coarse for her to finish the thought.

He's too far away for me to actually hear anything but I can imagine he sighs from the shift in his broad shoulders. Magnus stands to his full majestic height. He's tall, maybe 6' 5". And skinny. With an expertly styled mane of thick black hair on top of his caramel skinned head. Now that I know my own name is waiting in that bowl I imagine if Magnus picks my name and having those long fingers of his run up and down my body and to be honest it doesn't turn me off. I mean he is sexy. Not like Jonathan, but he's definitely got this serpentine sexiness that just kind of slides right up to you and …

"Well, dew drop," Magnus drawls as he saunters up next to Seelie and drops his hand into the bowl. "You know me well enough to know I play by my own rules." With that he plucks out a slip of paper without even looking into the bowl and … it's green.

"Would you like a do-over?" Seelie asks, eyebrows raised.

"I don't –" Jonathan starts to object nonchalantly.

"No," Magnus answers. He's got his sunglasses raised above his head and he's holding the opened green slip of paper up to his face. It brushes against his lips when he lowers his hand. "Alexander Lightwood," he calls out.

A collective gasp almost drowns out the low groan behind me. For a second I think it's Jace but then I see his muscled back a few steps ahead of me. I can tell he's tense from the way his back muscles twitch rigidly.

"God damn it," the groaner mutters and Alex Lightwood moves up from behind me.

He's tall and now that I'm really looking, he actually looks pretty good in his board shorts with a light pink tattered tee covering his chest. You can tell he's in great shape even if he is slouched over in typical form, his long dark hair hanging over dark blue eyes.

I think we're all stunned into silence. I mean Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood! Magnus has been attached at the hip to his long term steady, Camille, for as long as I've been attending Alicante High. And Alec Lightwood! I mean, yeah, he's not bad looking but really who would have thought Seelie had ever considered Alec Lightwood for a possible all day down and dirty make-out sesh and besides that Alec Lightwood! I honestly don't think I've ever seen him romantically with anyone ever. And he's gonna be a Senior next year, so yeah, like he's just non-sexual.

I watch him as he passes me. He's determinedly staring down at the ground and Jace reaches out, grips his shoulder and pats him on the back.

"We could bail," Jace suggests quietly.

I know they hang out. Sports and workout type stuff. Probably explains how Alex built up his bod but I'm surprised. Alec and I are chill but I didn't realize Jace is tight enough with Alec to … support him this way. And it's frankly kinda strange the way Jace has been acting today. Strange and surprising and kinda touching. I vaguely wonder when this happened since I thought I knew everything about Jace but apparently I don't.

Alec just shakes his head mutely and trudges forward. I turn my attention briefly to Jace and I can tell he's not surprised. While the rest of us look stunned as shit, Jace just grimaces and shakes his own head sympathetically.

When Alec reaches Magnus he takes the green slip from Magnus' hand and gives it a long hard look.

"Fine then," Alec clears his throat and Magnus smiles.

He takes Alec's hand and with his free right hand he turns Alec's face up to his and joins their lips together. It's a soft, gentle kiss and it's hot as fuck. Suddenly I kinda wish Magnus had gotten my name and I have a feeling a lot of people feel the same way, although I think it's mostly the girls. Alec blushes a rather becoming shade of rose but he doesn't pull away and now Magnus draws him in closer. His hand possessively snakes around Alec's waist and they walk away together.

I can literally feel the crowd shift to follow them and get our voyeuristic kicks on when Seelie declares, "We've only just begun, people. You can all go off and watch whomever you wish after the pairings are complete. Besides, you never know whose name may come up." She ends suggestively as if it's an honor.

I think I'm gonna jump out of my skin at this point. Why did I agree to this? My eyes involuntarily stray toward Jonathan and his eyes immediately meet mine. He gives me a lazy wink and I think I'm gonna go up in flames. Oh yeah, that's why.

"Clary," Seelie says in a banal voice.

What? I look at her blankly.

Seelie rolls her eyes. "I decided since we're not keeping to any strict traditional gender lines here, there's really no reason that only boys should get to pick their random match." She waves her hand a little, flickering the purple paper at me. "That means this time it's ladies choice. You're up." Seelie looks annoyed that my name has come up and I decide that's not a bad thing.

Somehow it's like I'm infused with some kind of bravery drug and I find myself walking straight and center. I vaguely register Jace's intent stare as I pass by him. I can feel the concern radiating off him and I want to tell him not to worry, I'm a big girl, but honestly I just gotta concentrate on getting one foot in front of the other. I can't even look at Jonathan. When I finally get to Seelie and her glass bowl I don't waste any more time. I plunge my hand into the bowl and pull out a green slip. I do make sure it's green. I'm not leaving that choice haphazardly to chance. I'm so nervous I could throw up. I don't know if I can find my voice or even unfold the green paper in my hand. At least, mercifully, I'm not shaking and my hand is steady when Seelie plucks the paper out of it.

"Let's get on with it," she hisses and opens the folded green paper in front of me.

I expect her to blurt out the name carelessly and carry on with the rest of her game. It's obvious she doesn't want to waste any more time on me. But her eyes gleam. I'm afraid.

"Jace Herondale," she announces loudly and there's a wretchedly genuine smile on her face.


	4. Chapter 4 Spike

I freeze up but my eyes move through the crowd until they find Jace's face. We're staring at each other and I'm pretty sure the horrified expression on his face is mirrored on my own.

"Is there a problem?" Seelie asks sweetly. "I know you're friends but you're not related, are you?"

I robotically shake my head no and then immediately want to kick myself. That might have been our way out of this mess. So what if I have to concoct some wild story about us being secret cousins or something like that. Jace's eyes widen and I wonder if he's thinking the same thing. But it's too late for that.

"Of course not," Jonathan answers. I wonder when this happened. How he's become Seelie's partner in her sadistic games. "They look nothing alike."

His black eyes meet mine and I don't know what I feel. I'm numb. I can't feel the usual melting sensation, suffused with lustful wanting the way I always do.

"Well, I mean, I'm not sure," he amends almost contritely. "You never can tell. For all I know they could be brother and sister."

Seelie snorts. No one seriously believes that and I would never try to pull that off anyway.

It's then I realize that Jace has made his way up and is standing next to me.

"Let's get this over with," he mutters and has his hands on my shoulders. He turns me to face him and I'm too bewildered to figure out what he's doing until he lowers his head and has his mouth against mine.

I have my eyes open, too stunned to react to any of this and I watch him close his own eyes. It's like I'm not really in my body anymore. I can feel the tension on his lips and it's like we're two plastic dolls mashed up against one another. He lifts his face away and takes my hand. I think we can do this. This isn't so bad, just go through the motions, I think.

"You know, Jace," Seelie admonishes, stopping us from moving away. "That really won't do. If you keep this up," she waves her hand at us as if we're some kind of failed experiment, "You're definitely not getting out of that private hour."

Jace doesn't say anything. His hand just gets tighter around my own as he pulls me away.

"I can't believe you didn't know this was going to happen," he whispers at me. He's got his right arm around my waist and he's moving with purpose toward the long tables set up with refreshments.

"You don't think I wanted this," I murmur back at him but there's really no fight in me.

"Yeah, I know what you want," Jace shakes his head, "or think you want. You know I bet you would have made an ass out of yourself if you did get his name."

A jolt of indignity spears through my body but I don't want to argue with Jace. I should have listened to him. I am an ass.

We're standing in front of an array of brightly colored drinks and jello shots. Jace grabs one and swiftly downs it. Then another and another. I'm watching him and thinking that might not be such a bad idea but he stops me after two swigs.

"You're a lightweight. I don't feel like carrying you around all day," he explains when I protest. He turns his back to me and gulps down another two shots of some dayglo colored concoction and I quickly gulp down another one of my own.

I'm anxious to calm the nerves inwardly screaming mayday with some liquid courage and obviously Jace feels the same way.

"I have to admit this unexpected distraction is an impediment," Seelie speaks unexpectedly closeby. She's standing only a few feet away, her arms draped around Jonathan while he's got his face buried in her neck and his hands are groping her body.

I feel like I should turn away. It's a shock to see Seelie or Jonathan engage in such open pda. But also too shocking to actually look away.

"But let's be clear," Seelie continues like she doesn't have a man attached to her with her own hands squeezing his butt. "I'm always watching or I have people watching for me. I'll know how you've been – enjoying the festivities and I'll be able to make a proper assessment whether you've fulfilled the terms of our little side agreement."

There's quite a crowd of people around us and not surprisingly their watching us like we're some movie playing out for them. It doesn't seem real though, to be at the center of their attention. I've always been more a sidelines kind of girl and now here I am, next to Jace, entwined in some twisted power play and all because of my obsession for this male who's got his face planted on the wicked witch who has made this all happen.

And then Jonathan looks up. maybe he just has to take a breath of air before diving back into Seelie again. But no, he turns his face to me and gives me a little smile that might have melted my heart if I couldn't also see his thumbs fondling the tips of Seelie's nipples into hard nubs beneath the thin bikini top she has on.

"It could have been fun," he looks down at me wolfishly. "But you know … random pairings, right? We might still have fun if your partner gets out of that hour with you. I'd be willing to do double duty. Take care of you too."

I feel Jace's arm grow stiff around my waist and so I turn to look up at him. I'm confused by Jonathan's remark. It's remarkably easy to break eye contact with him considering he's actually speaking to me and seems to be coming onto me, but … I can see this is just entertainment for him and it feels condescending. It's pretty easy to see Jace isn't happy either and there's a flash in his eyes like warning signs.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jace asks. I wonder if he's just immune to alcohol cause he sounds way too sober. I haven't downed half of what he's sucked down and I've got to admit I've got a pleasant buzz on.

"Just have fun, darling," Seelie answers. "That's the whole point, right?" She's no longer looking at either of us, with both hands now cradling Jonathan's face while she nibbles on his lips.

Jonathan wraps his arms around her and lifts her up so that their faces meet. They're aggressively making out, ignoring us both and it's pretty clear we've been dismissed.

My mind is fumbling. So, Seelie picked out Jonathan's name or Jonathan picked out Seelie's name. Either way, these two perfect specimens are on a pretty sturdy reclining lounge chair bumping and grinding for all to see. They're clothed in skimpy swimwear … for now … but it sure seems like it won't be long before those come off during their 'private hour.' I wouldn't be entirely surprised if they don't make it til then and put on a real show with a fully packed live audience around them the way they're going at it and honestly I feel like standing there with everyone else, just watching … and drooling a little.

But then I feel Jace's hand on my jaw and it moves my face away from the Seelie and Jonathan show and then his lips are on mine and it's like completely different. Like completely different from that first plastic kiss. It's soft and hot and wet and slow and my mouth opens automatically. My tongue moves on its own and reaches out to embrace his tongue and my hands wrap around his neck to keep him securely planted against me. My head is spinning. I'm dizzy. I know it's Jace but this feels so good. Really really good. His hands are running up and down my back and then they're massaging the swells of my breasts, or whatever you want to call what little I have in that department but I'm definitely too spaced out to give that more than a glancing thought.

I'm just all about the senses and right now, they're exploding. I'm arching my back, pushing my chest into his hands all the while our tongues are clashing, our mouths are ravenously attached to each other. Some small background voice inside me is asking me what I'm doing, to remember we are just pretending, that it's impossible for any of this to be real. It's not hard to ignore this incessant little voice behind the roaring desire that ignites under the touch of his fingers. His hands move along my body with just the right pressure. Firm but gentle, hard and soft all at once. I'm thinking he's some kind of virtuoso, the way his lips, his mouth, his tongue, his fingers, his arms and legs make me want him like I've never wanted anyone before. My legs are wrapped around his waist and I'm mindlessly digging the hungry space between my legs purposefully against the hard, engorged shape between his legs, only our thin swimsuit fabric separating the flesh that moves with desperation to conjoin and then –

"I think those drinks were spiked with acid," Jace pants into my mouth. "We've got to stop," he speaks and it's like there's some delay between the words coming out of his mouth and comprehension of those words in my head.

And just like that, I'm suddenly engulfed in ice cold water. I think it's freezing every pore on my body along with the fog over my brain. The first thought in my head is that this is the second time today I'm spitting out pool water that's burned through my throat and it's gross. And of course Jace is responsible. I want to kill him. I want to fucking kill him. But a second ago I just wanted to fuck him.

Jace is no longer touching me. But he's close, within arm's reach and he's watching me like I'm crazy, like he might have to fight me off. I realize my mind is still shit cause now I burst out laughing at him. He looks so funny, like he has no idea what's happening, that I'm trying to force my virginity on him and he doesn't want it. He frowns at me then, grabs me, pushes me up against the pool edge, he towers over me. I can't feel the cold water anymore. All I feel is the heat from his body.

"What's so funny," he says softly, his face barely an inch from mine.

"Oh, you know," I'm breathing heavily.

"No, tell me," he's fingering a strap on my bikini top.

"You and me," I study his face. I've known him for a long time and it's occasionally crossed my mind that he's ... cute, okay, he's hot, but I think I must have been blind not to see how beautiful he is.

"Shut up," he says and then he makes me with his mouth over mine.


	5. Chapter 5 Almost Over

I don't know how much time has passed. It feels like we've been kissing forever. It feels like I could kiss him forever. I've managed to block out any thoughts. It's not really hard when it feels like a thousand volts of electricity are running through my body.

We're no longer in the water. At some point he must have brought us both out of the water without detaching our lips or my arms or my legs holding him tight against me. I don't know how I've become so shameless. I just know I might die if I let him go.

"It's time, couples," Seelie's voice echoes in my head and then I realize she's actually speaking aloud.

I knew this moment was coming. Seele's fun and games are almost over and a sinking feeling washes over me. I open my eyes at the same time he does. I watch as the black of his eyes dilate and the golden rims around them expand and glow.

"There are guest rooms for all the couples in the cabanas. I've had them all prepared for your excursions. My partner and I have already completed our hour together so I can be back at them helm of our sortie. And as required," she turns around and lifts up the back of her bikini bottom to reveal an impressive red mark on her right cheek; the only mar on her cream colored flesh. When she turns back to face the crowd she motions to Jonathan who seems to appear from nowhere.

He strides towards her and stops a few feet away, raises his swim shorts to reveal a darker mark high on his inner left thigh. I'm pretty sure every pair of eyes there are transfixed by them, gawking at them. They had been so passionate, recklessly groping at each other for all to see and while that had been initially shocking their current relaxed stance, a comfortable distance away from one another, is such a complete 180 that I'm even more amazed. Are they human? Are they robots? Honestly, I'm not sure what's real anymore. So much of what's happened is just … amazing to me. Like, I'm amazed that I've actually stopped kissing Jace. I'm amazed that I've been kissing Jace for who knows how long and I amazed I don't want to stop. My face burns as I register all of this amazement.

Whatever we swigged down must be wearing off for me to be capable of keeping my face off his, to possess any rational thought – but I still want him and I haven't unwrapped my arms and legs from him and it hits me that Jace still has his arms locked around my waist. He's sitting on one of the patio chairs shaded beneath a large umbrella and I'm on top of him, our chests molded together, my legs around his waist. I'm afraid to turn back and face him. I don't know why.

I'm still watching Seelie even though my attention is really honed on Jace. I notice there are pairs of people holding hands or with their arms around each other emerging from the crowds and heading toward Seelie who hands them a key and points them toward a guest house.

"Now Jace, come up here," Seelie finally calls out after what appears to be the last couple has left her, suitably dispatched with a key in hand.

Jace stands slowly and I slide off him. I still can't look at him but I feel his breath as he bends down, his lips close to my ear. "Stay here," he tells me quietly.

I sit back down on the chair he's just vacated and try to make myself invisible. He moves with a confident ease and while I couldn't face him a second ago now I can't take my eyes off his face. Is this normal? What I'm feeling? Like now I'm consumed by him. Like now I want to consume him. He's my friend. My best friend. This will … God, I don't know what this will do and how to make it alright. But that doesn't stop this overwhelming feeling. It has to be whatever we drank. I know it. This can't be real. Am I sick?

"Where is your partner?" Seelie asks pleasantly. "She's part of this, too."

"It's pretty simple," Jace answers. "Either you say I've fulfilled my end of the bargain or you say I didn't. So either we go or we stay." Jace doesn't sound like himself. He doesn't sound charming or amused or playful or any of the things that usually sound like Jace.

I pry my eyes off Jace to gauge Seelie's reaction and other than a flicker of her eyes she doesn't seem to notice. I know she likes Jace. I don't think she likes this Jace.

"Of course you're off the hook, darling," Seelie smiles generously. "I never seriously doubted you."

Jace nods his head and pivots away. I get up automatically, ready to make my own quick escape. I don't know where I'm heading or if I'm going to meet Jace afterwards.

"Excuse me, but that agreement did not include your little friend."

My eyes shoot up and meet Jonathan's black stare.

Seelie frowns slightly as if she seriously forgot and is only now considering this. "That's right. Thank you for reminding me."

I'm frozen in place, staring at Seelie now, trying to tell if this was all part of her master plans. And, Jonathan. What's his deal? Why is he doing this?

"But who's going with her?" Seelie contemplates aloud.

I can't stop myself. My eyes immediately jump to Jace. We've been all over each other for God knows how long already. We can do this one hour together, can't we? But Jace isn't looking at me. I can't tell what he's thinking.

"Well, I've already volunteered my services earlier. And I was among the selected. And all the other participants are otherwise engaged so …" Jonathan deliberates.

Seelie smirks at him. "Why, Jonathan, I would have thought you'd be a bit … depleted … after your pervious exertions."

Jonathan smiles back at her. "I've been told I have amazing stamina."

I can not believe this is happening. That Jonathan Morgenstern is proposing to make out with me privately for an hour, the kind of shit I've lustfully fantasized about for months, the reason I got myself into this mess in the first place, but … God this is so fucked up. I wonder if maybe I'm still loopy with foreign substances. Maybe that explains the unexplainable revolt happening inside me. I don't think I want Jonathan anymore.

"Come on, Clary," Jonathan is extending his hand out to me.

I search for Jace again because – I don't know why – but he's not there. He's not where he was just standing only seconds ago. My stomach sinks. I don't know what I expected. I just definitely did not expect Jace to leave me. My stomach is doing flips but I straighten my back and head toward Jonathan.


	6. Chapter 6 Val & Tart

"So …," I start lamely. I'm not sure what I want to say. I just can't imagine spending an hour in here alone with Jonathan. I can't believe we're in here, alone, together. God, Jace was right. Again. He said I wouldn't know what to do if I ended up with Jonathan. And sure enough, I have no idea what I'm doing. I also have no idea why I wanted this so badly. Well, that's not true. I definitely had some very firm, preconceived notions of why I wanted this but everything's changed. It's like I'm somehow fundamentally different. I know what I want. Or I know who I want. And it isn't Jonathan Morgenstern.

"Why are you so far away?" he asks me.

We made it into the room, hands held, but as soon as we got in and closed the door I gravitated to the other end, away from him.

"Well," I'm thinking direct honesty may be the best way to handle this situation, "this is just a stupid game, and why don't we talk a little before …" I'm trying to find the right words but not sure there are any.

"Before …" He clearly wants to see me squirming.

"Before, you know, we do … what … we're required to do," I think that gets the point across. I have my arms crossed defensively over my chest and begin to feel naked, in a yellow bikini, alone, with Jonathan Morgenstern.

"Ah," he says as if it's only just dawning on him. "You don't want to be here, with me?"

I watch him cautiously. I'm not sure if this is a trick question. I really don't know Jonathan. I don't know how I could have obsessed over him. He's no less good looking. But now, I feel stupid. How could I want someone so badly purely based on the way he looks? Maybe because I figured it was all just a fantasy. Something I could daydream about but never have to actually deal with in any real terms?

"Listen, you're obviously hot, like I'm not telling you anything you don't know, and I realize it would be so easy for you to hook up with half the girls out there … but … I'm having a really hard time doing this with you … now … after … I've been making out with someone else for the last … few hours?" I think I've managed to say all that as smoothly as I can possibly say anything at this point but my anxiety level is racheting off the scales anyway.

"Hmmm," he responds.

The way he looks at me has me wondering if he's heard a thing I've said. Maybe the words come out of my mouth and all he hears are mumbling word bubbles. He certainly didn't seem short on any intelligence scales out there while he was conspiring with Seelie but being alone with him, in a room that's basically a large mirror and a bed, I'm kind of stunned … by how good looking he is … and can't help but feel like this level of hotness just can not come with a heavy amount of brain cells? But no, that's not right. I know that's not right. Because Jace is very smart, brilliant at times, and … and … I can't finish this thought. I won't finish this thought. Because the more I go down this road the more I just want to run out of this room and make a complete fool of myself and no doubt Jace will hear about this and …

"Are you a virgin?" he asks pensively.

I shrug. Then I nod my head. Stupidly. "Why?" I ask.

"Just trying to make you out," he answers and I think he's studying me like I'm some weird new species. "So, you've never just had a one time hook up," he continues, "with anyone?"

"No." It's kind of strange but I'm beginning to feel less uncomfortable around Jonathan. Because it feels like he's really trying to understand me.

"I thought," he continues conversationally, "the way you look at me sometimes. I thought you wanted to hook up. With me."

I sigh. I guess I am that obvious. He must have seen me as an easy lay. "Yeah," I say. "I'm sorry if I gave out … those signals. I have to admit, I was a pretty fervent … admirer … of yours and it's like … I completely understand why you would have thought that but…" I trail off. I don't know how to end this stream of consciousness. Because what am I supposed to say?

"So, you don't want to hook up with me now?" he leans against the wall.

"Mmmm," I don't know why but I feel puzzled. Like all of this makes no sense. But I manage to spit it out anyway. "Not really."

"Well, this is kind of," Jonathan scowls a little, "weird."

"Yeah," I agree. "But, wait, are you like saying everyone wants to hook up with you? And it's weird that I'm like the only person that's ever not wanted to hook up with you? Or are you saying it's weird just being alone with someone that you thought wanted to hook up with you actually doesn't want to hook up with you or—"

Jonathan laughs. "Ok, I'm sorry. Weird was the wrong word. I meant awkward."

"Ok," I nod. "Awkward. Yes, definitely awkward."

"So, listen," Jonathan stands up, pushing off the wall. "We don't have to hook up, of course. But maybe, we can get comfortable? We still have to stay here for an hour." He glances off to the side, at a clock on a stand by the bed, then turns back to me. "Actually, fifty-three minutes now. And we might as well just relax. And maybe you'll see I'm not so bad to just hang out with. And we can do what we have to do in the last five minutes and that'll be that."

I realize that my arms are no longer crossed over my chest and my heart isn't pounding anymore. Somehow, I think, Jonathan may be a pretty decent human being on top of being one of the most gorgeous creatures to ever walk the Earth.

"Alright," I say. "How do we do that?"

He walks over to the bed, kicks off his sandals and lies down with an arm behind his head. "Let's talk. Don't worry, I promise to stay on my side." He pats the empty right side of the bed.

I think, it's good he's left me the right side. I always prefer the right side. I walk over and sit down on the bed. Then I let my head plop down on the pillow. There's a little bit of static nerves that jumps through my core at first but after a quiet minute, it calms away.

"So," I begin. "Why did you want me in here? Is that something Seelie asked you to do?"

Even though we're both lying down, he's so much taller than me that I still have to peer up to him. I'm usually pretty good at reading people and I want to see what his face says.

"I just told you I thought you wanted to hook up with me," he answers. "And …," he continues slowly.

"And?" I prompt him when he hesitates.

"And," he rolls his eyes, "I think you're cute."

"Cute," I repeat.

"Cute, yeah," he looks at me uncertainly.

"Cute," I cringe a little.

"Sexy cute," he says, his eyes widening. He looks a little alarmed.

"Sexy cute?" I let that roll around in my head.

"Definitely sexy cute," he elaborates with a smile.

"Did you just … hook up with Seelie?" I ask.

"Uh," now he really looks uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry," I don't know why I said that. "It's not my business. I guess it just kind of popped into my head. And I can't help thinking it's kind of … sordid … to jump from one person to another … like ... so quickly."

His black eyes flash. He laughs again. "Are you calling me a slut?"

"Did I say that?" I say a little worried that I actually might have said that.

"Don't worry about it," he chuckles. "But you're right. It's not your business. But let's just say, I'm a gentleman and I don't run my mouth about the girls I'm with and if I'm dating someone and I tell her we're exclusive, then I can be trusted to stay exclusive as long as we're together."

"And has that ever happened?" Once again it just comes out of my mouth.

"What?" he asks.

"You. And a girl. Exclusive?" I'm honestly curious cause while I've seen him with plenty of girls I've never seen him with a girlfriend.

He looks a little sheepish. "Well, no, but my point is the girls I see know exactly where they stand with me. I don't lie to them and I don't pretend to be someone I'm not."

"Valiant," I say.

He looks a little peeved.

"Snarkiness is my second nature. Sorry," I admit.

"Alright," he shrugs. "I kinda like it. You can call me Val and I'll call you Snarky."

"That's a terrible nickname," I groan.

His eyes light up adorably. "I've got it. Tart! You'll be Tart. Now that's perfect."

"It's better than Snarky," I concede and honestly it's a little hard to argue with him when he looks so earnest and ... sweet. I don't think I ever could have imagined this. Lying in bed next to Jonathan Morgenstern, thinking he is adorably sweet.


	7. Chapter 7 Searching

I'm feeling dizzy. My mouth is dry. I'm scared, anxious and excited. I know he's going to be here. It'll be the first time I've seen him since the party.

I woke up this morning unsure where I was and then of course I recognized the sky blue drapes billowing over the open window. My eyes naturally drifted to the enlarged framed photo next to the window. Jace ... and me, a year ago at the annual school fundraising fair. We worked the pie throwing booth together and of course we're both covered in whipped cream. I have both arms around his waist, I'm looking up at his face and I'm laughing heartily. Jace is facing the camera, a giant whipped cream bouffant is styled on top of his head. He's smiling broadly and has one arm resting over my shoulders, the other hand posed at his hip.

And then my vision is flooded with scenes from my dream. I'm on the bed, in Seelie's guest room. I'm lying back and peering down at the top of Jonathan's blonde head. He's industriously sucking on my upper thigh and I can feel the heat from his mouth and I want to tell him to move a little further down my leg, get some distance from my -, at the same time I want to steer his lips over that same throbbing center. I've never had a guy so close to ... really just inches away ... and I'm aching ... for something. I feel like I need ... heat ... hard pulsing heat ... inside me. And then he pulls the bottom of my bikini to the side with a quick flick of his fingers and then he's lapping at the tight wet sleeves of my throbbing flesh and I cry out. I can't speak. I'm just screaming and my nerves are in a spiralling uproar. It's like a thundering pulse echoing inside me and ... it's fucking awesome ... and I look down and Jonathan's blonde hair is a wavy sun streaked gold and he turns his face up to watch me unravelling, his piercing gold eyes are locked on mine and I'm coming so hard and ... it's Jace.

I've already masturbated twice to this dream before I get up and decide I have to confront this crazy shit. Before I lose my mind. Before I lose my nerve.

I'm heading over to his place. It's just like five blocks away and I don't bother with my bike because I need a little time to figure out what I'm going to say. It's hard to believe I'm in this position but part of me feels like this is ... right, that we ... belong together and a rush goes through me like I'm on the verge of something ... incredible, like once in a lifetime life changing and —

I'm there. I'm in front of his house. I have my phone in my hand and I think should I text him? Tell him I need to speak to him? I need to see him? And I'm right outside, just right outside your door. Let me in?

Crap. Like creepy stalker vibe much? But ... but it's me. You know me. Like super, super know me. You know I like my coffee black with four sugars. You know I'm a manga fan. You know I devour books, that I prefer to sleep with the windows open wide, that I see fairies, nymphs, all manner of magical creatures in the most mundane things, that this magic inspires me, that I'd trust you with my life. You know why I'm here. Don't you?

But I'm not going to text that. So, I march up to the door, lift my hand to press the doorbell – and it opens. It's your mom.

"Clary," she greets me. "How are you, angel?"

"I – good, I'm good – uh," I'm stammering.

She doesn't seem to notice. "I'm sorry, dear. I have a class. Yoga," she smiles and nods down toward the mat she has rolled up under an arm as she hustles out the door.

"Jace?" I continue to sputter.

"Oh," she blinks at me. "No, he's not home. He said he's hanging with some friends. Of course, I thought that included you," she ends with a surprised look on her face.

"Yeah, okay, I'll catch up with him later," I say lamely. I'm disappointed and I'm trying hard to hide it.

I think I have to text him. Just find out where he is since I know it's impossible to say anything else in a text. My head is down, looking at my phone when I walk right into Alec Lightwood. He must have also been walking with his eyes on the screen since we're both fumbling to catch our phones and manically apologizing at the same time. Then we look at each other and laugh.

"So, that party," we both begin to speak and laugh again.

"Yeah, that was ... something," Alec mutters.

"What're you doin'?" I ask conversationally.

"Um," Alec looks a little bewildered.

"You don't have to say," I try to backtrack.

"I'm going to see Magnus," he interjects abruptly.

"Oh, that's - nice?" I say. "Isn't he ... serious ... with Camille?"

Alec bites his lip, then responds, "There on a break. I mean Magnus told me Camille thought they should ... see other people ... now that they've graduated and you know ... expand their horizons."

"Huh." Interesting, I think. "Well, you know," I try to be upbeat, "Be careful."

"I'll try," he says thoughtfully. "You know sometimes it feels like I don't have a choice, I just have to follow my heart. I know that's corny but -"

"It's true," I tell him and our eyes meet for a long steady moment and we both laugh again.

"I'm looking for Jace," I blurt out still giggling.

"I just left him at the park, by the fountains," Alec answers but then quickly snaps his mouth shut.

"Something wrong?" my voice sounds shaky to me.

Alec shakes his head without meeting my eyes. "Just ... be careful ... like you said. Sometimes," Alec then looks searchingly into my face. "Jace is a really good liar."

I'm stunned. I don't know how to respond. So I get angry. "What kind of shit is that to say? Jace is the most honest person I know. I thought you were his friend."

Alec pats my shoulder placatingly. "He is my friend and you're right he's usually painfully honest but -"

I'm glaring at Alec. I don't want to listen.

"Listen," Alec continues. "I care about him and I really like you and I just want you to be careful, too ... with him."

I'm thoroughly confused now. Why is he talking to me like I could ... I don't know - hurt Jace? I mean it's ridiculous to think anything could hurt Jace. He's like the strongest person I know. Mentally and physically. I can't imagine anyone with a thicker skin. And besides that how could I ever hurt Jace? I am the last person on Earth who would ever want to hurt Jace.

I walk away, toward the park, throwing one last glance backward at Alec. I'm not mad at him anymore, just kinda shaken. He gives me a small encouraging smile before he turns and walks the opposite way.

I'm still mulling over that strange conversation when suddenly I realize I've reached the park and there's the fountains and there's Jace.


	8. Chapter 8 Lurking

"That was weird," someone says. I think it's Isabelle Lightwood, Alec's sister.

"Yeah," I peek up a little. Yeah, that was Kaelie.

When I got to the park, I spotted the back of Jace's golden head on the other side of the fountains by the left bank. He's with some other kids. I have to wait. To speak to him. I can't talk to him or really even face him with so many prying eyes around. But I still have to … be close to him. Now that I've seen him, I'm drawn to him like a magnet. I just … I want … I need … to bask … in his … aura? Yeah, that's as pathetic as it sounds. What is wrong with me?

So now I'm here. Lurking in the bushes next to the fountain where Jace and the others are crowded.

"I've never seen him like that," says Isabelle.

"Makes you wonder what went on behind closed doors," Kaelie adds with a giggle. "What do you think, Jace?"

"I thought I already made myself clear," he speaks at last and I realize I'm holding my breath. "I don't care." I don't have to see him to know he's speaking through gritted teeth. He sounds … strange. Why?

"Well you sure looked interested at the party," and that would be Jordan Kyle. I can hear the smirk in his voice.

"Yeah, Jace," Kaelie again. "What's up with that?" She sounds jealous.

She's one of Jace's semi-regular hookups. She's tried to pressure him into something more serious but he squashed that pretty quick. My stomach turns when I realize that Jace, much like Jonathan, has never had a steady girlfriend. This realization has me gnawing on my bottom lip. Of course, I never minded. Why would I care? Anyway, it would just get in the way of us hanging out and of course I'm very glad he's not tied up with a girlfriend now but … what does that say? About Him? Maybe Jace, like Jonathan, just isn't the type to commit to one girl. Maybe, and honestly while I string these thoughts together the conclusion makes a hell of a lot of sense, maybe crazy, hot, beautiful guys just don't limit themselves to one girl. Like why would they?

Maybe I've been working myself up into a lather over something that's doomed to excruciating failure. And it will be excruciating. There's no doubt in my mind on that score. Because it's too late for me to stuff these feelings back into the closet. They're out and they're running fucking rampant.

"What are you talking about?" Jace asks and I'm rapt in his voice.

"Come on," Jordan answers. "We all saw you and Jonathan's little minx at that party. You can't convince me you're not interested."

Jonathan's minx? And Jace? What? When? Wait, they're talking about the party and –

"Don't be ridiculous," Jace retorts. "She's a friend. My best friend. And don't call her – that."

"Sorry. What did he call her?" Jordan asks laughing.

"He said she's his Sweet Tart," Isabelle contributes. "And that is what I mean. Have you ever heard him sound so … so … Gah, I don't know … possessive?"

"Yeah, really weird," Kaelie speaks like she's smacking on a piece of gum at the same time. "Like he actually cares what a girl thinks … or feels … about him."

"I told you, like I told him, I don't care," Jace mutters. And I think, that's just … bizarre … the way he's talking … the way he sounds. It doesn't sound like him. It doesn't feel like him.

"You know what I think," Isabelle again. "I think you care. A lot. I think –"

"Stop," Jace interrupts. "You're being absurd. Of course, I care about her. I just told you she's my best friend. She's like my little sister. There's nothing more than that. And she can – date who she wants to date. End of conversation."

There's some noise, then. It sounds like movement. I think he's leaving.

"Ja-ace, don't be like that," Kaelie whines. Her voice sounds further away. I think she's following him.

"Well, that was convincing," Isabelle remarks.

"You heard the man," Jordan responds. "He doesn't care. Although, I still don't get how you make out with your little sister the way those two were going at it. Whatever. Let's go get some grub. I'm starving."

"God, you're dumb," Izzy tells him, "But nice to look at."

I hear rustling sounds as they get up and walk away. They're talking about something else now but I can't hear them anymore. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

I slowly get up. My legs feel stiff from my crouched position. The air feels heavy. I think, breathing is hard. But, I've got to find him. I've got to tell him. Except, what if he doesn't want me that way? He just said I'm like his sister. Little sister. Really? So, OK, I tell him and then what? I know what could happen. I tell him and everything … everything is over. He'll pretend it doesn't matter. But that's a joke. Of course, it matters. Of course, everything would change. We couldn't talk anymore, not the way we used to. And then, maybe slowly at first, he'd pull away. Busy with other things. Can't come over. Forgot to call you. Forgot to text you. Just forgot you. Because it's easier that way. Because you can't salvage something that's been irrevocably broken.

Geez, I'm a basket case. I can't think straight now. lt's imperative that I stay away from Jace right now. Until I get some semblance of my shit together. Even though I want to trail after him. I want to tell him I ... I don't even know what I would say to him. I'm drifting (hobbling?) toward home. My phone buzzes. I look down, scared, but still hoping it's him. It's not.

_'Wanna hang out?_' - Val

Who? Oh, that's right. After we got out of the room and waited our turn to dutifully display our party marks, he put his number in my phone and I guess got my number too. It's kind of fuzzy, what happened after that, how we separated and I ended up back home. I think he took me home. I look down at my leg and lift the shorts a little to reveal the dark red evidence that yes, Jonathan and I got to know each other pretty well. I mean not that well but well enough to have our lips plastered high on each other's thighs. It was strangely ... not all that erotic. Maybe because we spent most of that hour just talking and getting friendly. Maybe because it felt like something that had to be done so I kept thinking just get it over with. Or maybe because part of me couldn't stop thinking of Jace and how I wanted him to be there, alone in the room with me, together on top of a bed, alone. And then I thought it was probably a good thing Jace wasn't there cause that's not how I'd want my first time to be, under the guise of one of Seelie's messed up party games.

_'Nah, thanks. Still recovering, I think. What was in those drinks anyway?'_ I answer back.

_'You drank that? You sure you don't wanna come out. I can guarantee a great time'_ \- Val

_'Doin what?'_ I ask.

_'Enjoying a fine meal and dancing the night away.'_ \- Val

_'Don't you want to take a girl out?'_ I reply without really paying attention to what I'm saying.

I'm almost home. I turn the corner to my house and surprise, surprise, Val's there leaning against his black Mercedes.

"I thought you didn't feel well," He greets me.

"I don't. Do I look well?" I answer more hostile than I intended. "Why are you here?"

He stares at me long and hard and I return the cross eyed examination. He looks as sleek and gorgeous as ever but I wonder how I was ever so infatuated with him. Like why would he think it's ok to just show up at my home especially when I texted that I don't want to hang out. What does he want?

And then it dawns on me, the parts of that conversation where they mentioned Jonathan.

"You know we're just friends, right?" It seems stupid to have to say this because for God's sake, this is Jonathan Morgenstern and he can get any girl he wants and it's ludicrous to think he might want me at all and especially when I don't want him anymore.

"Why are you so wound up, Tart?" Jonathan asks. "I thought we could just have fun. You're actually fun – to talk to … well, you were yesterday."

I feel kind of bad then. It's true. I am wound up. And I'm taking it out on Jonathan, but … "Did you say something to Jace? About us?" I need to understand what they were talking about. What Jace was talking about. Why Jace might say I'm like … his sister. Groan.

Jonathan looks surprised but swiftly recovers. "I ran into him and some others at the coffee shop. I asked him if he likes you. If he cares that I like you. I thought you two looked pretty cozy at that party and … I know you're friends but ... I just wanted to get a clear … lay of the land."

"So," I'm processing this. I can recognize it's actually kind of sweet but I mostly feel a sharp plunging sensation in the gut, understanding what Jace meant. Why he kept saying he doesn't care. "You like me."

"Yeah, but don't let it get to your head or anything," he responds.

"And what do you think is going to happen between us?" I think I'm just talking to fill up the void inside me. It helps a little.

He scowls a little. It's cute. "I wasn't really planning anything specific. We'll go out. Eat. Talk. We could hit that new club. I know some kids are meeting up there tonight. Possibly have a good time."

"I'm not having sex with you," I say flatly.

He laughs then. "Is that what you think? I just want sex? I think we both know I could get that way easier and faster than with you."

"Yes, that's true," I contemplate. I think this isn't so bad. Spending time with Jonathan is actually kind of … stimulating and he is … nice to look at. It's better than sitting at home alone, coming to terms with what I feel for Jace and what he feels for me. "But, maybe you like challenges."

He doesn't say anything and I think I must have hit the nail on the head. He smiles. "I like you."

"Alright," I smile back at him. Maybe he's not the only one who likes challenges.


	9. Chapter 9 Later That Night

I'm home and I'm glad I went out with Val tonight. Undressed and showered. In my bed with my standard night-time uniform, tattered old T and shorts. Almost texted Jace to catch up on the day. We've never gone a whole day incommunicado. There's always been something. A short call, a text, even when one of is away on a family vacation or someone (him) is grounded or whatever. Just a 'Hey, this is bullshit. Miss you," kind of text, at least.

I thought I might run into him tonight. When Jonathan mentioned kids at the club, I thought, if there's anything happening anywhere with 'cool' kids around, Jace will be there and then I pushed that right out of my head, but the thought was there anyway. I wouldn't say I … used Jonathan. I mean, I think I showed up. I mean, I made an effort to have fun. So what if it felt a little off, like it was a forced type of hysterical fun. I'm pretty sure Val didn't notice. And it was … easy to be with him. We're not like kindred spirits or anything but we can certainly have a good time together and there were at least ten minutes when Jace wasn't anywhere on my mind. At least I don't think he was. It's honestly hard to tell sometimes because I sorta feel like he's just a constant part of me now.

And at least I finally got to pull out that silver mirrored chain mail mini dress that I splurged on with no idea when or where I would ever wear it but the way it caught the light caught my eye and when I tried it on I thought it really was made for me. It makes the most out of my slim figure, gives the illusion I actually have curves and maybe even cleavage and it looks perfectly fine with flat sandals even though I'm pretty sure it would be killer with heels but let's face it, I'm really not meant to run around in heels. Besides, it's not like an extra two or three inches would make much of a difference. And those ten minutes I mentioned, that granted, weren't ten consecutive minutes, but still, it's ten minutes more than I would have gotten at home, were all ten minutes earned dancing my cares away. It was hot and sweaty with so many young bodies crowded on the dance floor but I didn't care. And when I opened my eyes and looked around it was hard not to see how fantastic my partner moved and I suppose he would make anyone look good next to him because I feel like we got a lot of attention on that dance floor. I did see Isabelle Lightwood and Kaelie Willow and Alec and Magnus there and they all gave me pointed once overs. I'm sure there were others there too. I think I saw a flash of Seelie's perfectly shining red hair but at that point I decided I wasn't going to see who I really wanted to see.

I still have a towel over my head, letting the damp curls towel dry, when I hear an unmistakable creak outside my window. I stand up, about to walk over to check out the sound when a pair of long jeans clad legs come in followed by a lean torso in a fitted long sleeve black t-shirt crowned by wind blown golden tresses. I think I might choke.

"Hey," he says lightly. He knows my mom should be asleep down the hall and she's not a heavy sleeper.

"Hey," I gulp down. I want to run over and … hug him. But I don't. "What are you doing?"

He's just looking at me and I feel my cheeks flush. I wonder if my entire body has gone red. I think time may have stopped cause I don't know how long we stand there staring at each other when he finally shrugs and moves away. He stands in front of my dresser, turned away from me.

"You're okay?" he asks but it doesn't sound like a question.

"Are you?" I think if I take my eyes off him he might disappear.

He shakes his head slowly and his whole body seems to change. It's like I'm watching a metamorphosis but like it's all happening inside him and there's no real change to his outer form but I can see it clear as day. He stands taller. He shrugs off whatever was weighing down on his shoulders. Then he turns to face me again and my heart skips a beat. He's smiling. It's a smile I know and love.

"Why wouldn't I be fine?" he responds.

"Oh, good," I say uncertainly.

"So, you did it," he continues. He looks happy. Pleased.

"What did I do?" I puzzle.

"Your platinum stallion," Jace laughs. "I think you've reined him in. I didn't think you could do it, but … I underestimated you. That was stupid of me. I should know better."

I don't know what to say. I'm just watching him. I feel like my eyes are going to pop out of my skull when he walks over and puts an arm around my shoulder. He pulls me down on my bed so we can both lie back. It's a perfectly normal thing he's done on countless occasions and I easily lie down next to him but every inch of my skin that he brushes up against is instantly tingling. I'm completely lost.

"So, you two went out tonight?" he questions me. "I can't remember the last time you went on a date."

"Um, yeah," I manage to cough out. "I guess I'm not in high demand or anything."

"We both know you're just … very selective," he says in such a normal Jace way, when he's being sweet, that is, that I'm … confused.

"We're not dating or anything like that," I explain. I can't look at him but … I'm trying.

"Why not?" Jace still has his arm around me and my own hands are in tight fists against my sides.

"I don't know," I've got to tell him. Tell him now. "I think … I mean, I was thinking … maybe there was something … like at the party, you and me?" I feel hot and cold at the same time. I'm not sure if anything I've just said is intelligible but … I'm trying.

He freezes up. The arm around me tenses and I slowly inch my eyes up to his face. He's looking down at me and for once, I truly can't read the expression on his face. It's both foreign but … so utterly beloved. I know no matter what he says it won't change how I feel. And it's both thrilling and despairing.

And then that strange, unreadable new look vanishes. It's Jace again. My best friend, Jace.

"Clary, we were just pretending at that party. Right?" He looks down at me. It's reassuring, the love I can see in his eyes. And it's heartbreaking because I know it's not what I want.

"Oh, yeah," I quickly look down. I can't see this. I can't see that there's nothing more … for him. "Yeah, I … I just … I wanted to make sure ... that we' okay." I don't know how much longer I can hold it in. I have to get rid of him, now. "I think you should go," I tell him as I jump up. "I think I hear something … probably my mom. You shouldn't be here."

"Okay," He gets up and I hear him moving back out the window. "Clary, I'll – see you tomorrow?"

I understand. He loves me. As a friend. As his best friend. Just like I love him. But now there's so much more than that … for me. "Yes, of course," I tell him. I still can't look at him but of course I'll do what I have to do. Because even if I am just his best friend, I will accept that. I have no choice.

I hear him rustling down the tree that towers next to the window. He's gone.


	10. Chapter 10 A Nice Picnic

We're at the park, lying out on a large blanket over the soft green lawn with a picnic basket next to us. He's got his head on my lap and I'm running my fingers through his hair.

He's talking. "She's depressed again. I tried to get her to eat this morning. She wouldn't say a word to me. Just lies there with that mask over her eyes. I made sure she was breathing."

There's no disguising the pain on his face. "She's been good for a while. I thought … it might last longer this time."

My fingers trace over his scalp, through the thick, silky strands, and continue the motion of combing through his hair. I have the strands stretched out above his head. I lower my lips to his forehead, smoothing away the worry lines. It's probably one of the reasons we bonded so easily when we met a decade ago. We are both the single product of single mother households. And our fathers … are dead. I know that sounds callous but I've never known my dad and I've just accepted that's my reality. And my mom doesn't dwell on it either.

But Jace's mother is another story. She goes through stretches where it seems like she's okay and then, she's not. I really like Jace's mother. She's accepted me like family and while I feel bad for her I can't forgive her for what she puts Jace through.

These moments alone with him … are nice. It took a while, a few weeks since that night in my room, before we could be alone again. It's hard to tell if he stayed away or if I did. Maybe we both did. But we still saw each other in group settings. And I don't think anyone could tell we were any different with each other. There was just a little more distance between us and I think that made it … bearable. Because my heart still feels like it's cracking in half when I see him, like it can't bear the weight. It just fills up from his mere proximity.

He squeezes his eyes shut. I can feel the strain behind them. I know there's nothing I can say but I long to take the pain away with every fiber of my being. I think he knows this cause when he reopens his eyes and stares up at me, I see the gratitude overflowing in his golden eyes. I smile down at him and gently brush his cheek with the back of my hand. I wish he'd stay here with me. Even just like this … if we could stay this way forever … I could be happy. But he gets up. I knew he would.

He pulls a hand roughly through his hair and sits up, across from me. "So who's coming to this shindig?"

"Well, who'd you invite?" I answer with a question.

He frowns. "I'm not sure. Alec, of course. You didn't ask anyone?"

"What? No music?" Isabelle calls out.

"Hi, Iz," I smile at her and wave at the boys trooping up behind her.

"I know Jace had to pick this spot. Of course it's at the top of a hill." Alec plops down next to him, greeting Jace with a nudge to his shoulder.

"Look at that view," Jace motions at the surroundings with two open hands. "And we've got great shade." His open palms swing around presenting the shadow around us. "I know how to pick 'em."

"It is a hike getting up here, though," Isabelle announces and examines the state of her heels.

"What's up, man?" Jordan greets Jace and spreads another blanket out next to us.

"Only you would decide stiletto hells are appropriate attire for a picnic," Jace teases Izzy as he fist bumps Jordan. "You didn't bring anything home-made, did you?" he asks Izzy wearily.

"You should be so lucky," Isabelle responds with an abrupt swing of her long black hair.

"Just some sandwiches and potato salad from the deli," Jordan elaborates patting the basket he's set down.

"Thank, God," both Jace and Alec proclaim.

"Is Magnus coming?" I ask. I've gotten used to having him around with Alec. At least there's one happy story that came out of Seelie's wretched party. I've discovered that I genuinely like Magnus. He's eccentric and fun and generally fabulous.

"He's got to pack for college," Alec shakes his head no.

"Wow, when's he leaving?" I ask. I can hardly believe the summer's almost over.

"Next week," Alec shrugs. "He's having a really hard time keeping the packing down to one carload. He says he might have to rent a van. I'm going by later to help."

"Look who's here," Isabelle points out looking down at a couple making their way up the hill.

I see the white blond hair first. He's looking down at his companion. They're having an animated conversation. She's new. I haven't seen her before. Thick, curly brown hair tied up at the top of her head. Mocha brown skin and the kind of curves I've always wished I'd grow into. She's pretty, very pretty, and she's with Val.

"Maia," Jordan whispers. I think, involuntarily.

"Hey," Val calls out to us smiling. "This is –"

"Maia … we've heard," Izzy looks pointedly at Jordan.

Maia's eyes widen. "Jordan."

"Maia … hi," Jordan says in a muted, decidedly un-Jordan-like way.

"You two –" Val's black eyes bounce back and forth between them, "know each other?"

Maia glares at Jordan while Jordan's head bows down but he keeps his eyes on her. I automatically turn to Jace silently mouthing, 'drama.' Jace just looks at me with confusion … and concern. Weird, I think, wondering what that's about. I'm sure he'll explain later. In the meantime –

"Yeah, we know each other," Maia utters with disgust, "but ancient history."

"Almost a year," Jordan adds quietly.

"Yeah," Maia looks pissed. "Listen, Jonathan, I think I'm gonna split."

"We just got here," Jonathan states the obvious.

I'm thinking about getting up and hitting him on the head. He glances at me as if he can hear my thoughts. I try to transmit, "Go with her, stupid," through my facial expression. I know Jace would get it but sadly, Val seems clueless.

"Text me later, if you want," he tells Maia before settling down on the blanket next to me. "Maybe we can catch up."

Maia looks incensed. "You invited me here and now you're ditching me?"

Val looks up at her incredulously, standing over him. "Way I see it, you're ditching me."

"Listen, Maia," Jordan cuts in. "I can leave … if you want."

"What is going on here?" Isabelle is not pleased.

"Val, what did you do?" I try to whisper in his ear but I'm pretty sure Jace heard because he's staring right at us.

"I'm completely innocent in all of this," Jonathan answers me. I think he may be enjoying this. I know him well enough at this point to detect the wicked smile he's repressing.

"No," Maia gives Jordan a venomous look. "You got here, first. And anyway, it seems somebody actually wants you here." She graces Jonathan with a marginally less dangerous look, turns and storms away.

"You've got to go after her," I push Jonathan.

Jonathan looks at me sideways, "Why?"

"Because it's the civil thing to do," I can't believe I have to explain this to him.

"Well, if I go, you owe me," Jonathan responds jokingly but I can tell he's serious.

I clutch my forehead. I honestly don't know why I involve myself in this crap. I don't even know this girl and knowing Val he'll want something obnoxious from me. I really can't describe our relationship because it's just … strange. I mean, we're friends. Definitely, friends. But sometimes I think I'm a game to him. Something to work on while he's bored. Honestly, I can't figure out why he wants to spend time with me since I think we spend most of our time together arguing and he usually ends up frustrated and I won't see him for a few days and then he pops up again.

"You know damn well I'm not having sex with you," I seethe at him warningly. I'm not sure why I say this because he doesn't actually ever ask for sex but there's always a sexual undercurrent beneath our arguments and at this point I'm just so thoroughly disgusted with his antics that I just go straight to the point and I've sort of forgotten we have a little audience around us. But I quickly recall this fact when I hear Izzy's muffled giggling.

"That's not what it sounds like," I whirl around to face Jace, then Izzy, then Alec. I don't bother with Jordan. I don't have to give him more than a passing glance to see we're the farthest thing on his mind.

"Yeah, of course we've already had sex," Jonathan scoffs.

I make a low sound. I think I'm growling. "Congratulations Val, you've sucessfully managed to drive two females away in less than five minutes." I get up to get away from him.

"Get over yourself, Tart," he retorts. "Everyone knows Maia didn't leave because of me."

I turn and stalk away hurriedly. If I stick around any longer I will assault him and I'm fairly certain that won't end well. In fact I'm beginning to think Val might not be ... a good person .. for me to be around.


	11. Chapter 11 Don't Know

I'm moving quickly down that hill. It is a lot faster getting down than up. I'm not really sure if I'm leaving because of Jonathan … or because of Jace. Val is aggravating as hell and I think I should spend less time with him. I think we're headed that way anyway. I hadn't seen him in three days before today. The last time we were together, at night, after some movie, we couldn't agree on what to grab to eat afterwards and somehow that turned into how I'm stringing him along at which point I told him he's delusional and I made it clear from the get go that we're just friends and he kind of lost it, lobbing sneering insults at my lack of male experience and smashing up some trinket he had gifted me, which is … unusual … because Val is very … careful … I think. He's supremely aware of his image and I realized he's usually got such a tight lock over himself and for some reason that made me think of Jace and I ended up crying which kind of defused the whole situation so that Val actually apologized, took me home and then I haven't seen him again until today … but … but … the thing is, I was fine with that. I don't really want him around me thinking this is going somewhere that it can't go and I'm also thinking he's sort of getting unhealthy about it.

But Jace … Jace is always central in my thoughts … and heart … and I think, I think, soon … very soon, it will break in half. There's already a thick crack through it, and everytime I'm near him and I want him so badly and I know he doesn't, another web of cracks form around the large seam and … today was bad. I shouldn't have been so near him. I shouldn't have touched his hair, put my lips on his forehead.

A hand pulls my elbow back and twirls me around.

"What's going on with you two?" It's Jace and he's breathing a little heavier. I suppose he sprinted down after me but given his physical conditioning I should still be more out of breath than him.

"Don't worry about it," I mumble. The last thing I want is to listen to Jace give me some kind of pep talk.

"I thought you liked him. You've been drooling over him all through Sophmore year," Jace continues.

God, this is stupid. "I told you. Before. We're not dating."

"I know … but … I thought … you were just …" He's fumbling and it's so unlike him that I slowly look up at him. I know I shouldn't because it will hurt to look at him.

"What is it, Jace?" I ask, my eyes only making their way up to his mouth.

He's biting at his lower lip. "So, have you? With him?"

What is he talking about? I frown. And then it's raining. Pouring.

"My God," I shout. The large pelts of rain virtually drowns out any other sound. "Didn't you check the weather forecast? Why in God's name are we having a picnic in the middle of this?"

"Since when do I check weather forecasts? That's clearly not something I would ever do or should be expected to do!" He screams back.

I'm looking around for some kind of cover. I think we're standing at the only part of the park with no trees, awnings, anything to duck under. And we're more than half a mile from the parking lot. He grabs my hand and we start running. I'm not thinking about where we're going. Just following his lead. Like always. Of course, I'll always follow him, I think dejectedly, but really the downpour is so heavy that I can't mull over that errant thought. I have to concentrate on getting one foot in front of the other without sliding onto the spongy ground.

I almost slam into him when he suddenly stops and lifts me up, with one arm around my waist. I think, he's running and carrying me one-handed, and while this accomplishment kind of impresses me it also annoys me. Is he purposely trying to treat me like a baby? He puts me down suddenly and I realize we're in front of a large green house and he's unlocking the bolt. He opens the door and pushes me in.

"What are we doing here?" I ask. Water is pouring off me everywhere but at least I can hear myself again, indoors, even with the rain pounding against the fogged glass roof.

"Did you want to stay out there?" he looks perplexed.

"No, no, but how did you know how to get in here?" The water is still streaming off me. There's quite a puddle around me now.

"I've been working here, volunteering, so I know the combination to the lock," he shrugs.

"Since when?" How did I miss this?

"Not long. About a month. You know I like … living flowers. It's nice. To observe something naturally beautiful and let them be, what they're meant to be. It's calming. I guess I needed some space ... to let things be" He explains.

I'm wandering around, looking at the lush, green plants all around us and stop over an interesting flower, tightly furled glittering white petals that seem to tremble. I've never seen anything like it.

"That one's my favorite. It's usually not ready until it's dark but - I think it's about to - watch." He looks excited and so ... delighted that it's hard to take my eyes off his face. I don't want to miss the joy that plays over his features. He's wet all over, just like me, but he looks like some kind of water god while I'm pretty sure I look like a wet dog.

"Clary, look," he takes me by the shoulders and stands with me right above the flower.

I look down and the flower is really shaking now and then the petals burst open and a sparkling mist rises from it's unraveled center.

"Beautiful," I say.

"Yes," he agrees. "The first time I saw it I thought of you."

"Thank you," I tell him. "For sharing that with me. I won't forget it." I think the rain may be tapering off. The pelting sounds on the roof are dying down.

"I'm really glad you got to see it," he says stepping back. "I didn't think, I didn't know ... if you'd ever get the chance."

Still warm from the sight of this rare bloom, I turn to him, smiling, "You know I'd go anywhere you ask me to."

He takes another step back and it's like I'm watching him shut down in front of me. "I think we can leave now. Pretty sure the crazy rain's stopped."

"What's wrong, Jace?" Please don't say it's me. Please don't say something that will destroy me.

He lowers his face but I can see his body grow stiff all over. "Did you sleep with him?"

"What? Of course not. You didn't think that, did you?" I don't know how to react to his question. I don't know why he's asking me this? Is that what's been bugging him? Is that -? "I haven't been with anyone. And I'm not interested in being with ... anyone." A surge of adrenaline shoots through me. Suddenly I think, maybe I've been reading this all wrong.

He looks up. His eyes lock on mine and his gaze pierces through me. "Really? You're not interested in anyone?"

I stop thinking. I just move. I move right up to him, put my hands around his neck, pull his head down and do what I've longed to do ever since that party. My lips forcefully lock onto his and then slowly I relax when I realize he's not pushing me away and my lips grow soft and our lips move as if they were meant to be meshed together. I'm breathing him in and drinking him down. My senses fill up with him, a slightly minty taste, mingled with lemons and sunshine and a musk so completely masculine that I feel myself going soft all over. I've never felt more alive than at this moment.

"Clary," he gently pulls me off and my head is spinning. "This isn't a good idea."

I don't know how he can possibly say that. Not after that kiss. "Why?, I ask hoarsely.

He's got his hands on each side of my face and he's looking at me so searchingly that if it were anyone other than Jace, I would try to hide. It's like he can see everything inside me.

"Because I don't do this well. Because you're my best friend. And I can't lose my best friend," he explains without letting me go.

"I think you do this extremely well," I answer. "In fact, I can't imagine anyone could do it better."

He smirks. "I'm not talking about that. I mean being with girls. I mean having a ... thing ... with girls."

"By ... thing ... do you mean a ... relationship?" I ask.

"Yes, yes ... a ... relationship," he says uncomfortably.

"But, we've had a relationship for ... ever," I place my hands back over his neck and lean into him on tiptoes. I brush his lips lightly with my own.

He still has my face in his hands and I'm comforted by this because I think he doesn't want to let go. "That's different," he says weakly.

"Not really," I lower my hands to wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him in closer. At least he's not resisting, I think. "The only difference will be that I get to do this." I kiss him again with more pressure. "And this," I whisper in his ear and take his hands off my face to mold my body up against his. "And this," I then move my lips onto his neck and try to cover every inch of the bare skin there with a kiss.

"I-I don't know," he's caving, I think.

"You don't have to know," I tell him. "I'll know for both of us."

The uncertainty in his eyes change and there's something else there. Something I'm very familiar with since I've been raging over it for a month. It's wanting. Just a pure, unfiltered wanting and I'm ecstatic. And I'm scared.


	12. Chapter 12 New Dress

"Is Clary here?" I hear his voice and immediately feel warm and tingly.

I try to hold back the smile that spreads across my face because people are around and they'll notice but it's hard. Very hard.

I try to slow my heartbeat but that's kind of a losing battle. Instead, I work on making my voice sound normal.

"Over here, Jace," I stand up and wave at him.

It's the last summer party before school starts and everyone is here. Seelie has somehow rented out a private stretch of beach. I didn't even know you could do that. So, it's pretty crowded. I'm sitting with Izzy, Magnus and Alec, Izzy's latest conquest, Simon, and Kaelie has also somehow sidled into our group. She's pally with Isabelle so I suppose there's that but I could do without her, myself. And, oh crap, there's Val. I've successfully avoided him this last week and there's really nowhere to hide on a freakin' beach so I give him a limp wave and immediately turn back to watch Jace come over. Some skinny kid stops him and he gives me a wink before he turns to the kid, looks like a freshman, fawning over him about God knows what. There really is so much to fawn over that I can't blame him but I wish he would cut it short.

"I literally think she's sighing," someone mumbles behind me. I suspect it's Magnus. I ignore him.

"I can practically see heart bubbles coming out of her eyes," the voice continues and I wish he'd shut up but I've got to focus, clamp this down now.

I grab a beach ball and throw it at him. It bounces off his glittering black spikes of hair. "Why are you here again? Couldn't stay away, right? You just have to come back to make up your stories where someone might llisten." I grab the ball again and hover over him menacingly.

"Butter biscuit, I just call it like I see it. And honestly, people listen wherever I go. I came back to see Alec, of course, which you all should get used to," he smiles and pats his hair. Not a one is out of place. Then he turns to Alec and gives him a peck on the lips. Alec beams. Clearly he has no objections to getting used to it. I can't help my own responding smile.

"That is some amazing gel you've got there," Isabelle remarks, reaching out to admire his spiked hair.

"Don't be ridiculous," Kaelie gives me a patronizing smile. "They're just really good friends. He told me she's like his sister."

"Yeah, I remember that." Izzy is now checking her glossy red nails. "I think I should have gone with a more summer neutral color. What do you think, Simon?"

"Red looks really good on you but ... you make anything look good," Simon answers.

I really like him. He's so not Izzy's type but I kind of hope she keeps him around. He's just moved into town and will be starting Junior year with the rest of us. I've only met him once before but we've discovered a shared passion for coffee, comic books and indie bands and already have plans to go to ComicCon together in fully geaked out costumes.

"Well I'm certainly not an occasional booty call." I can't let Kaelie's sniping go unanswered even though I know it's a bad idea.

"Did I hear you call me, SweetTart?" A hand smoothly wraps around my waist and deftly pulls me in as if we're dancing.

"Val." I push him away with a forced laugh.

"You didn't answer my text," he says in a playfully chiding voice but there's something in his tone that warns me not to be flip.

"Um," is my brilliant response.

"You know, about that new club opening tonight." he thankfully elaborates. "It's going to be hot. I know one of the owners so I can get us in."

"How about us?" Izzy looks at Jonathan expectantly.

"Sure, why not?" I think he's full on gloating mode.

"Well, I –." Maybe I should wait to say something in private. I don't know what's worse. Giving his ego a gut punch in front of everyone here or telling him alone where he'll probably get vindictive and spiteful.

"That sounds great." Jace has finally arrived. "Clary, you should wear that little silver thing. You looked amazing in that."

"Oh, I -," I'm confused. Did he see me in that dress?

"Have you lost your mind?" Magnus seems personally offended. "She can't recycle that dress for at least another six months. But don't fret, kitten, I've got just the thing for you."

"Hate to break it to you, Mags, but I don't think I'm your size." I know I should put the kibosh on this whole thing but I am curious ...

"Obviously I'm referring to my latest design," he says with exasperation. "And fortunately for you I ran out of fabric so ... it will be perfect on you."

"You make dresses?" Simon asks.

"I make art, Stewart." Magnus shakes his head.

"Magnus got a full scholarship for fashion design," Alec explains proudly. "That's like unheard of but he's just so talented. They know he'll be the biggest thing ever."

"Well, I don't know about that." Magnus actually looks a little abashed. "But I am very serious about my craft."

"Don't you need it, though? I mean don't you need to show it in class or something." I ask him.

"Well, you will have to pose for some shots in it and ... just bring it back in one piece." Magnus ends this comment directed first at Jace and then shifts his gaze to Jonathan. "Understood?"

Val frowns. I guess he didn't miss that. Ugh.

"I don't know. I mean I'm sure the dress is incredible but I think I have to take care of - something - um." I look at Jace hoping for some help.

Jace smiles ... eyes twinkling, which makes my heart sprint double time and makes me groan inwardly at the same time.

"Oh yeah, that thing," he says lightheartedly. "Yeah, it's not a problem. Took care of it myself."

"So, all settled, then. Where and when, Jonathan?" Magnus asks happily.

"We can meet at 10, corner of the club, Belfry and Maple." Jonathan replies. "I'll pick you up, Clary."

"Oh no," Magnus counters at the same time Izzy shakes her head, no. "I've got to get her ready and she's got to take those pictures for me. In fact, we only have what, like seven hours, oh, we should go now. We should just make it. We'll all meet at Belfry and Maple"

"You're kidding, right?" I ask incredulous.

"Clary, I understand you know nothing about couture, but let me assure you I only permit a perfectly finished product out of my hands and that - takes time. Now, get over here. Say your goodbyes." Magnus moves briskly, packing his beach bag and folding up his towel.

"I'll come with," Izzy declares.

"Of course, darling. You'll make an excellent assistant." Magnus nods.

I stumble over to Jace. "Why?" I mouth at him silently.

"I'll see you later. Can't wait to see the damage," he squeezes my shoulder and lowers his head quickly running his nose through my hair.

My breathing naturally quickens and I feel my insides trembling. It could be fun, of course anything would be fun with Jace ... but Val. What am I going to say to him? I think his expectations are inexplicably escalating and I'm gonna have to do something about it.

Someone sighs. Magnus. "Baby Doll, I'm waiting."

I'm all set to stomp over to him somewhat childishly.

"Clary." Val speaks in an uncharacteristically serious voice.

I gulp down and trudge over to him.

"You know it's rude not to answer my texts." He says quietly once I'm close enough to hear.

"I'm sorry, Jonathan," I say contritely.

"You know friends should answer." I'm beginning to wonder if he's serious.

"Yes, you're right. I've been … distracted." Ain't that the truth. Visions of Jace engulf me. Yes, I've definitely been distracted over the last eight days. Blissfully distracted. It's not even like we've been doing anything out of the ordinary. Except that it's pretty much just the two of us and I suppose we spend most of that alone time with our lips attached and our hands all over each other and it gets … pretty … intense and it's kinda like torture when we … stop. But we do stop. I don't want to stop but I know we should. And I guess he does too, because at least half the time he leaves hurriedly before it can go any farther. I don't really know why but I feel like we're just not ready for that yet. And I suppose that's also why we agreed to keep this new relationship development just between us, for now. I sort of feel like it's something delicate and precious that needs to be protected ... But aside from that, we're together, like we've always been. Talking, laughing, tussling but that inevitably ends up with us making out so I'm not sure that counts.

"Are you still here?" Val asks peevishly.

"Of course, I'm here." I laugh at him.

"Your eyes kind of glazed over," he remarks sullenly. "You know, we'll catch up later. Magnus is about to blow up."

"Sure, sure." My mind is racing, imagining the scenarios involved with 'catching up' and none of them are good.

"Time to go, Biscuit," Magnus takes my elbow and ushers me away. "You can thank me later," he says under his breath.

We crash right into Jace. I didn't know he was standing so close by.

"Oh for Pete's sake," Magnus complains.

"Everything good?" he asks casually. Meanwhile, Kaelie's standing right by his side with her arms looped ariund his hips.

No, everything is definitely NOT good, I want to yell at him. Especially when you've got your sporadic hookup all over you.

Magnus pulls me away. "If I have to wait another minute there will be terrible consequences. Now it's time to go."

I leave with one backward, furious glance at Jace, marching out with Magnus and Izzy … and Alec and Simon.

I think he looks confused and then he seems to notice Kaelie draped over him. I feel better since I don't think he even realized she was there from the startled expression on his face but I would feel a lot better if I saw him push her off. But by this point Magnus is practically on top of me, corralling me out, and I can't see Jace anymore.


	13. Chapter 13 Friendly Conversations

"So, what happened to Jordan?" I ask Izzy while Magnus has me standing, arms out, while he takes measurements.

We're all at Magnus' home. It's very Magnus. He has his own very large, very open loft space. I wonder what's the deal with his family since there doesn't seem to be any. I think we've gotten to know and like each other but we're really not close enough to ask those types of questions.

Isabelle is lounging on a dark blue velvet couch a few feet away. But even in her relaxed pose, I can tell she's really interested in Magnus' work. She's carefully observing him and has his sketch book laid out in front of her. I think I may as well ask about Jordan since this is the first chance I've had to speak to her without Simon around.

"Chasing after that Maia, I think," Izzy answers indifferently. "God, I don't know. I haven't seen him since that picnic." She wrinkles her nose. "I never thanked you for that, by the way. Worst picnic ever! First we have to hike up that never ending hill, then the deluge, thank you very much. And of course you and Jace disappear after that strange little exchange between you and your 'Val'…" She gives me a shrewd once-over but doesn't pursue any further commentary.

I'm relieved, of course, but I should have known Magnus has no such compunctions.

He's moved onto fitting some sheer black fabric against my body with some pins he's holding in his mouth but he's still able to speak clearly. "The real question though is what is going on between you and Jace? And don't tell me 'nothing.'"

"But I thought you and Jordan were like dating?" I'm hoping to divert their attention.

"It was just a casual thing," Izzy shrugs. "You know, after that party, and we got paired up. I guess we discovered we were pretty compatible … physically, at least. I mean, he is hot and it was never going to be anything serious. Although, I'm sure he could have handled things much better … than just disappearing on me with some dribbling 'Maia's back. I gotta make things right' excuses but … I'm not losing any sleep over it."

I'm surprised. "What happened — You two got paired up? At that party? I … didn't know."

"Yeah, I'm not surprised. You looked very ... preoccupied." Izzy smirks. " I don't really know what went down between them. But I'm sure whatever it was it's his fault."

I feel a hot blush flushing over my cheeks remembering that party and how I also discovered how extremely physically compatible I am to a certain someone and how I haven't really given much thought to where this will lead because it kind of feels like … a forever kind of thing … like I'm innately changed and can't do anything about it even if I wanted to and I don't and-

"Well, I for one am sooo glad that party happened even though I was like totally 'Whaaa' when Her Highness called out my name cause of course if it hadn't happened I don't think Alec and I would have ever happened but I've always had my eye on him," Magnus gushes out.

I stare at him surprised. Because he's never really expressed his feelings ... so ... vulnerably.

"But you're into guys and girls." I state the obvious.

"I'm into people, yes," he answers drolly.

"I'm not trying to be stupid. It's just you were with Camille, like for years, and I mean I don't think anyone had a clue you might also like guys." I'm not sure where I'm going with this but I have been wondering.

"Well I'm very open minded." Magnus suddenly seems way older than his eighteen years. "I don't limit myself. Why would I want to do that when someone as magnificently beautiful as Alec wants to be with me? That would be stupid and that's one thing I'm not."

"So, you and Camille are totally done?" I blurt out. I didn't realize the worry in my gut over this.

Magnus looks kinda grim. He arches one eyebrow. "She's checked out a while ago. In with some new crowd at NYU. I hear she doesn't even step out during daylight anymore."

"Are you worried?" Izzy asks.

"I want her to be okay. I care for her. We were dating a long time. But towards the end I knew ... she was getting... bored. It wasn't going to last. And she's never really ... been ... my friend." He speaks morosely.

"I'm sorry. That's hard to imagine, getting bored ... with you." I tell him.

Magnus shakes his head briefly. "I didn't say I'm boring. Frankly, that's impossible. Just that she was bored ... and bored people tend to do ... unwise things. Anyway, I'm in a much better place, of course. Now I need to concentrate on this dress, Biscuit. I know exactly how to finish this baby. You'll have to amuse yourself while I work." He looks serious as he heads off with the marked black fabric toward a long work station with a sewing machine and some stretchy little black thing clinging onto a dress mannequin.

I sink onto the couch next to Izzy.

"So," Izzy watches me speculatively, "you and Jace."

I cringe.

"Why?" Izzy asks, puzzled.

I frown. I shouldn't ask but I do anyway. "Why, what?"

"Why the big secret? I don't think you're fooling anyone." Izzy seems genuinely curious and that makes me feel like I have to be ... authentic, or at least, genuine, in return. I don't know why.

"He's my best friend. I love him ... and I'm pretty sure I'm ... in love with him too," I say simply because that's the simple truth.

She nods. "So why the undercover bullshit?"

I try to make sense of it and as stunned as I feel at this moment I don't know if I can. "Well, it sort of just happened, like a week ago, when we both realized that we're more than ... friends and I- Jace isn't ready for like a full on 'relationship' I think, and it's important ... to ... not mess this up."

Izzy looks at me thoughtfully. It's sort of disconcerting. "Honey, I think you're brewing up a recipe for disaster."

I don't know what to say. "Really? You don't think we ... should ... be together?"

She rolls her eyes. "God, no. You two definitely belong together. No, you shouldn't try to hide it, though. Sing it loud and proud. I mean you both have other ... interested parties and you may both go crazy if you don't establish some boundaries."

A slow burn heats through my blood just thinking about the 'interested' parties hanging all over Jace and I realize she's right and I should avoid a loaded situation with Jace and Kaelie and who knows how many other girls that will probably throw themselves at him. I mean it's a club and it's practically a given that hot people will be objectified and groped in this setting and am I supposed to pretend that's okay? "You know what, guys? I think maybe this whole thing isn't a good idea. I think I should go home and –"

"Shoes!" Izzy yells. "We need to get you some shoes! I've seen the dress designs. I know just what to get - and makeup!"

"I'm thinking corals," Magnus mumbles through the roar of the sewing machine, his head down.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" I ask, wondering if I'm on mute.

Izzy shakes her head at me. "You spend too much time worrying. Just think about how much fun this will be, when you show up so smoking hot Jace's eyes will pop out of his head."

"No." Seriously? "That - that's not possible."

Magnus is engrossed over the fabric he's running through the machine but calls out to me, "You'll be so gorge. There's something you've yet to learn about me. You might not know it yet but you're going to know it for sure when you put my dress on."

"What?" I ask. I have to admit I'm curious. Like, it would be amazing to look half as hot as Izzy.

Magnus looks up at me, a dazzling smiling on his face. "I am magic."


	14. Chapter 14 At the Club

"Stop biting your lip. You'll smear," Izzy frowns at me. "I spent a lot of time on you and you look totally hot, just like I said you would."

I glance up at Izzy. Now, she looks incredible in a figure hugging ankle length fire engine red dress with thigh high slits. Her long legs look even longer in spiked sandals with gold laces that criss-cross over her well formed calves.

"Like anyone will notice me, standing next to you," I mumble to myself.

Although I have to admit Izzy did an amazing job with my hair and makeup and Magnus – well, Magnus is truly an artist. I couldn't look at myself very long in the mirror after they finished and insisted I take a look. Of course, I 'oohed and ahhed' appreciatively because I can appreciate their skills but honestly, it was hard to really look at the stranger in the mirror. She's wearing a little black dress with filmy black see-through paneling at the sides. Despite how tight, short and sheer it is, it exudes class from its immaculate construction and perfect fitting. Izzy has my hair piled up on top of my head with a few well placed, sparkling pins. The green in my eyes pop with the heavy black kohl rimming them beneath a double coating of mascara and coral shadow on my lids. Honestly, I didn't recognize myself. Also, I really just have to focus on my footing. I could not convince Izzy or Magnus, for that matter, to let me wear flats. I pouted about it but after a few practice laps around Magnus' loft I managed to walk upright, without wobbling, strutting around and posing for Magnus' photos and I realized it's actually kind of a thrill to add another six inches to my eye level. Things just look brighter at this height.

"And anyway you used that nude lipstick so who can tell if it smears," I say louder so she can hear.

Izzy frowns. "That is not nude. It is 'Pandora's Blush'. You are soooo lucky you have me."

"Indubitably," I answer automatically in my Daffy Duck voice.

She sighs.

"Remember what I said about the dress. Back in one piece, Biscuit." Magnus is leaning against a wrought iron fence looking like he just stepped out of some high gloss fashion shoot with his thick, black hair styled expertly in an eighties flock of seagulls type motif, a sparkling studded belt around his slim hips in an otherwise plain but clearly custom fitted black ensemble with a hint of bluish purple reflecting off the street light.

"You wanted me in these heels," I warn. "I'll try my best not to fall and rip anything but I can't guarantee it."

Magnus smiles. "That's not what I'm worried about. You can handle those heels. Trust me, your boys will be falling all over you and I can guarantee that. And they are both very enticing so ... don't forget the hidden zippers."

"You did hear what I said before," I fume a little cause honestly I just don't want to even consider dealing with Val and how freaking weird he was acting before, like all sensitive, like I'm hurting him. "About Jace ... and me," I end in a whisper. "Really, Jonathan and I are just friends, so there's definitely no danger of any ripped dresses on me ... with him," I conclude awkwardly.

Magnus holds a finger against his cheek thoughtfully. "Be careful, Clary. I've known that boy since he was just a fresh little Freshman and I've seen him with many, many girls but I've never seen him so invested in any of them, not the way he is with you. I'm an astute observer. That one always gets what he wants and he wants you."

I laugh nervously. "God, you make him sound so sinister."

"Wow." It's Simon and Alec.

They're both dressed in dark shades and look pretty good. Izzy and Magnus move to their boys and it becomes apparent that they were instructed on what to wear from the way Izzy and Magnus examine and arrange them.

" You guys look amazing." Simon looks hypnotized while Izzy sways in front of him working on his hair with her fingers.

"Thank you, Stanley," Magnus nods his head.

"I didn't recognize you." Alec looks at me, his dark blue eyes wide with surprise as Magnus pulls on his lapels.

"I recognized you." It's Val. And he ... looks unsurprisingly gorgeous. His white blond hair is sleek against his head, pulled away from his face in a ponytail. He's dressed in an elegantly slim blue suit that only accentuates his physique. His skin glows. "I could spot you a mile away." He smiles at me and for a second it's not hard to remember why I obsessed over him all through last year.

He walks over to me and I'm pleased I don't have to lift my head up so high to face him. I don't think about stifling the smile that spreads over my own face at this revelation but I realize I probably should have when I see the way his black eyes spark at my expression. He places his right hand under my chin and gently moves my face left to right, scrutinizing me. I'm about to pull away when he lets go and steps back.

"Shall we?" He's holding his elbow out, in a polite gesture to escort me.

"Jace isn't here yet." I turn away from Val looking around for Jace.

There's a long line of well dressed people formed next to the velvet ropes in front of the heavy, dark wooden doors that clearly lead into the club. I need a minute to collect myself because I'm a little shaken by Val's behavior … and, also, seriously, where is Jace? I mean, I've been looking forward to seeing him. Like really stoked. All day I've been thinking about him, how I can't wait to see him, to be with him and I kind of thought he'd feel the same way. And as much as I try to stop myself I can't stop the surging hope he'll like how I look. After that conversation with Izzy and Magnus today and how encouraging they've been about the dress and the makeover, I've been imagining he might be so blown away that it will overwhelm his trepidations and he'll just have to declare himself publicly. That he belongs to me just like I belong to him.

"He's late," Jonathan answers a little stonily. Then he shrugs and beams down at me. "Don't worry. I'll tell the doormen to let him in when he shows up. There's a VIP lounge and a special show starting up now. I don't want to miss it."

I hesitate uncertainly.

"Come on, you'll love it," He enthuses.

"I'll wait at the door for Jace," Alec volunteers. He looks kind of ... worried.

"And Kaelie," Val adds. "She texted me, said she's coming with Jace."

"Is that what she said? That she's coming with Jace? Did he agree to that? When did she text you?" I feel a knot forming in my stomach.

"Let's go." He grabs my hand and pulls me into the club.

I follow complacently cause I'm really only barely present. I can't stop thinking about Kaelie hanging all over Jace and as long as we're not 'official' what am I supposed to do about it? Do I have the right to insist he stop seeing other girls? None of this has been clearly established between us. We've just been spending almost every waking moment together since we both acknowledged we're more than friends but never discussed what that means, what we are to each other.

I register the swarms of dancing bodies around us. Looks like this place is off to a roaring start. It's dark with the typical strobing club lights and resounding beats. Someone puts a drink in my hand and I drink it. It's hot and my throat is dry but I only realize after gulping it down that it's not water or soda. I turn around looking for someone safe. Magnus, Alec, Izzy, Simon? My head is spinning.

"You're going to like that," Val tells me. "They call it Asmodeus' nectar. It's the house drink for those in the know." He has to speak loudly over the booming music.

He's brought us down a stairway into what I suppose is the VIP lounge which is pretty much the same as upstairs with a glowing bar by the entrance and wall to wall writhing bodies. There's a cove of couches and tables at the far end that Jonathan is heading towards with me in tow. I'm about to ask him where's the show he mentioned but I'm distracted by the glittering chandeliers over our heads. They seem to morph into huge translucent butterfly wings that flutter starlight all around us. Everything around me takes on an otherworldly, dreamlike quality. I'm pretty sure I'm hallucinating when one girl dancing with an infectious abandon, dressed in a gossamer frock with sheer floating panels, sprouts her own wings and her eyes glow neon blue. Everyone looks beautiful but they look strangely elongated or primal, ready to pounce over their prey, in their swaying yet jerking movements.

"Where are the others?" I manage to drawl out through the fog in my head.

He's found a place for us on one of the couches but it's packed so I'm squeezed in next to him when he pulls me down.

"I'm sure they're having a good time. Sit down. You just need a minute," he speaks in my ear, reassuringly.

I think we're uncomfortably close to each other. I'm practically on his lap but there's no room to move away and my head is still spinning.

I clear my throat hoping it will also help to clear my head. "Jonathan."

"Why do you sound so serious?" he responds. And he sounds so good natured I don't know what I'm worrying about.

But I've got to do this and it actually helps that I'm not lucid. "You should know. I'm with Jace now."

"Really? Does he know that? I don't see him anywhere." Val replies. "Is he hiding?" He smiles at me but there's no humor in his eyes.

"You know what I mean," I say over the warm buzz flowing through me. I feel kind of fearless right now, like I'm up for anything. Even ridiculously uncomfortable conversations with Val.

And there it is, what I've been dreading, that mean glint shining off his black eyes. I think he's about to say something sufficiently scathing when Seelie suddenly stands in front of us.

"Jonathan, I can't believe you're still working on this. It's really not worth the effort, Darling." She's wearing a gold sheath that runs over her body like water. It looks like she's probably not wearing anything underneath the knee length, slitted garment from the way it caresses every curve and dip on her peerless body.

"Just enjoying myself, Beautiful," he answers smoothly.

"Come dance with me," she says commandingly.

He graces me with a quick glance. "Stay here. I'll be back."

Then he gets up and takes Seelie's hand. They head toward the dance floor filled with thrumming, tangled bodies.

I exhale. Who would've thunk it? That evil queen actually came to my rescue, although I have no doubts it was completely inadvertent. I get up and wobble my way back up the stairs. I have to get away from Val. I don't think I can trust him. I thought we were friends but I'm not so sure anymore.

I scan through the scene once I'm back up on the first floor. And like kismet, he's right there in front of me. Leaning against a wall with a drink in his hand. A jolt goes through my body from the mere sight of him. I make my way toward him. His head is turned away, engulfed in shadow, so my eyes relish over his lean form, even still it ripples with physical prowess. He's in black, which he favors for nighttime forays. It contrasts well against the honeyed tan flesh over sharp angles and well defined muscles and gold spun tresses that lightly graze his wide shoulders. I stop suddenly when I finally notice he has company.

I didn't see before. Straight, black hair in a sharp blunt cut, creamy white skin and a very fit body in a tight green halter dress. She's got one hand resting over his abs. She's talking to him, a smile on her red lips. And now here comes Kaelie. She walks right up to him, ignoring the other girl at his side, and places both hands along his collar and leans in.

I've seen enough. I turn away and head toward the exit. I stumble. My head's still swirling from that drink and now I'm fighting to hold myself together. I have to get home. I have to keep it together until I get home. I think I might not make it when I feel myself swaying involuntarily. And then a strong set of hands help me to stand upright again. Familiar hands. I look up gratefully.

It's Val. "I did ask you if he knew you two were together." I'm caught off guard. He actually sounds sympathetic.

He glances past me then turns his attention back to me. He cups my face with both hands. "I've wanted to do this since that party."

He lowers his face and kisses me. I'm just standing there with Jonathan Morgenstern's face attached to mine and I'm too surprised to feel anything or react to it. When he finally detaches, his eyes bore into mine before he looks up, past me, then moves away.

"Clary." It's Jace. Behind me. His golden eyes are dull. There's no expression on his face. "There's a ... situation ... with my mom. You left your phone at the beach." He hands it to me. "Can you come with me?"


	15. Chapter 15 Home Again

I'm so worried about Jace and his mom that I'm surprised when we reach our destination and I realize it's my home. Jace hasn't said a word. It's been a stiffly silent cab ride and I guess I'm still enough out of it from that stupid drink that it didn't register when Jace gave the driver my address. He pays the driver and gets out of the car. I follow.

"Jace, what are we doing here?" I ask him. I lean into him and take his hand. I try to impart my love and concern through my touch. I just want him to know I'm here for him but he's not looking at me and there's no emotion on his face.

"Let's not talk out here. Your mom wanted me to bring you home. Come on."

I'm even more puzzled. My mom? I thought this was about his mom. I know something is terribly wrong. I don't try to argue with him. I just keep a tight hold of his hand as he walks into my house. I wish he would give my hand a squeeze, just to let me know he's in there, somewhere.

"Clary? Jace?" My mom comes rushing toward us. She hugs Jace. " You found her. Are you—? Do you need—?"

I watch my mother, frozen by this outpouring of concern for Jace. I know she likes him, of course. I mean we pretty much grew up together so she's known him since he was like six but it's weird to see her like this, so worried about him. They definitely don't share a typical parent child type of relationship anymore. Not since around sixth grade, I think. Since then it's been more like they're friends, with an easy vibe between them and more often than not she talks to him like he's there to take care of me which frankly annoys me since he's only a few months older than me but right now it's freaking me out, how she's watching him with a worried frown.

Jace just shakes his head, no. She turns to me then.

"Clary." Her eyes are glistening. "Come here." She grabs me into a hug and I hug her back. I don't know what's happening but my mom, Jocelyn, has always been a rock and my mind is as blank as Jace's face. "Let's sit down." She walks us toward the couch and pushes us down.

I sit stiffly next to her, Jace on my other side.

"Did you tell her, Jace?" she peers over at him, a hand out on his knee.

He just shakes his head.

She nods, sympathetically. "It's Cecille." Jace's mom. "She's gone. She left." My mother purses her lips. "She sent me an email and she left a note for Jace. She says she needs some time for herself, that she had to go away and figure some things out. Jace will stay with us ... until she gets back." The sorrow on her face clears away. She looks more like herself, firm and determined. "We'll get through this." She gets up and kneels in front of Jace. "You're a part of our family. You always have been. Don't worry, she's a grown woman, she'll be okay. I need you to know we're here for you and you have to focus on yourself now. You and Clary will be back in school soon and you're going to have to really concentrate on your grades. College is right around the corner and we've got to start planning, trying for some scholarships."

"I can't let you do that," Jace shakes his head. "You shouldn't have to support another person. I'll get a job. I can take care of myself."

Jocelyn grips both his arms tightly. I can see the muscles on her arms twitch. "We're not arguing about this. You are staying with us. We are getting through this together. Are we clear?"

Jace stares into her green eyes. The silence feels endless and I wish I could add something to convince him this is right but I know I need to stay quiet now. I've never been more grateful for my mom, more proud of her. I can only hope I have a tenth of her strength and resilience.

He finally nods silently. I squeeze his hand still ensconced in my grip.

Jocelyn responds with her own nod and a gentle smile. "It's late. You two should go to bed. Clary -" She stops and really looks at me now, her eyebrows lift with surprise. "You ... look beautiful ... and very mature." She frowns a little and pulls at the thigh high hem of my dress. "Were you out with that Jonathan?"

That Jonathan? "No-yes-no," I answer quickly. "I mean, I was with a group of friends and he was there but I wasn't there with him."

She shakes her head with a slight smiling resolve. "I'm just glad Jace is around to watch over you. That Jonathan, he's very ... handsome, too handsome maybe." Her eyes seem to drift far away. "He reminds me of ... someone ... I used to know. You've got to be careful around boys like that. They think ... they can control, that they own ..." She shakes her head with a little laugh. "I'm being silly but you will take care of her, won't you Jace?" She turns to him with confidence. As far as she's concerned Jace is my best friend and guardian for so many years I suppose it's only natural that she would ask that. She trusts him. Unfortunately she's also met Jonathan and even though I was impressed by the charm he laid on her I could easily see she wasn't buying it and seemed less than thrilled having him around.

"Mom," My voice quivers a little. This is so not a conversation I want to have with her, certainly not in front of Jace. "I've told you and told you. Jonathan is just a friend. It's not like that ... with him."

"Okay," Jocelyn answers placidly which I know means she doesn't really believe me but it's not the time or place to continue this discussion. "Go to bed, you two. Jace can share your room, can't he, Clary?"

My mouth goes dry. I didn't really think about the living arrangements but I guess it makes sense. There is an extra room in the house, a small one, but my mom uses it as a studio and it's completely decked out with her paintings and art supplies right now. Besides Jace has stayed over on countless occasions and there's never been an issue with him sleeping in my room, sharing my bed, but honestly he hasn't slept over since maybe Freshman year and now? Now that things have ... changed ... of course my hormones go on hyperdrive imagining him sleeping in my bed, alone, with me, the whole night.

Jace clears his throat. "Jocelyn, that's really not necessary. I can stay at my house. No one's taking that away yet. Besides, all my stuff is there."

"No," Jocelyn answers firmly. "We can talk about that in a few days but tonight you're staying with us."

Jace exhales a long breath. "I guess I've always known where she gets it from," he mutters quietly before he nods. "I still need to get some things."

"Of course, I'll drive you over." Jocelyn picks up her keys on the ledge next to the door.

I think he's about to argue but he seems to rethink it and just follows her out the door without another word. I head to the window and watch them drive away. I think about the last time I saw Jace's mom. Just two days ago, when we dropped by to grab a jacket and I thought she was a little quiet but fine. She just smiled at me and waved. He hadn"t mentioned any relapse or worsening mood. I can't understand how she could do this. I know I'm probably not being fair or maybe I'm just self centered because I don't get how anyone who has any right to hold Jace can ever let him go.

I change into an old t-shirt and some sweats, carefully folding Magnus' beautiful dress, wash my face and pull my hair back into a bun. I start working on some food. There are some leftover meatballs in the fridge so I make some pasta and sauce. It's late but I think we could all use a hot meal. I can only imagine what a nightmare this day must have been for him and for my mom. She's not close with Cecille but she always seems to get sucked into her drama by virtue of my relationship with Jace. I don't know what we'd do without her but I wish she didn't have to get involved.

The front door opens.

"Perfect timing," I call out. "Dinner's ready."

"Oh, honey. Thank you. I honestly just forgot I was hungry," my mother replies in a tired but cheerful voice.

Jace has a large duffle bag slung over his back and is carrying a sleeping bag under one arm. He places them down in the living room and stands there looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable. I set three full bowls down on the table and walk over to him. I wrap my arms around him and guide him to the table, push him down onto a chair and stand over him until he picks up his fork and starts to eat. I go back to the living room and haul up his things.

"What are you doing?" he finally rouses. Not that I can fault him for it but I was beginning to worry about his zombie like stupor, so I'm relieved to see any reaction out of him. There's a raw edge to his voice.

"I'm just bringing this stuff to my room," I say naturally. My mother doesn't even look up from her food.

"Your room is too small for both of us. I'll just bunk out there," he says.

"Are you sure?" my mom asks. " You've always managed to find space before." She looks worried.

Jace shrugs. "I've grown."

Jocelyn seems to contemplate this and meets my eyes quickly before looking away. I leave his things back by the couch and try not to overthink things. It's ridiculously unfair and moronic of me to feel rejected. I know it but I can't help feeling there's something else going on between us and it's not something I'm going to like.

We finish eating in silence. Jace is taking a shower and getting ready for bed while I clean up in the kitchen. My mother comes up behind me and touches my shoulder.

"I'm worried about him," she sighs.

"Yeah," I answer. "It's messed up. He must be going crazy worrying about her. You have no idea where she is?"

"I know where she is," Jocelyn says quietly. "I caught up to her right after I got her email. She didn't think I'd read it right after she sent it and she didn't think I'd be home anyway."

"Where is she?" I ask stunned.

"Somewhere between here and Las Vegas, I'd imagine. She met a guy and they're road-tripping their way out there." Jocelyn's eyes go hard. "She's never been strong. I used to wonder where Jace got it from. I guess he must have inherited it from his father's side. He's always taken care of her. I'm worried he won't be able to let go. I hope you'll help him."

I stand there in front of the sink with a dripping, soapy bowl in my hand, gawking at her. I don't know what to say and then I think. "Does he know?"

My mother looks pained. "She asked me not to tell him, that she'd write what he needs to know in her letter but I don't know what she wrote. I've tried to talk to him but ... I don't think he's ready to talk, not with me at least." She looks at me hopefully.

I swallow a lump of sorrow. "Oh, mom. Of course I'll do whatever I can to help him but I'm pretty sure he's not ready to share anything with me either. He hasn't really said a word to me."

We hear Jace coming out. My mother kisses my cheek lightly and I hear her wishing Jace a good night as she passes him in the hallway.

The couch is set up with some pillows and blankets but Jace ignores that and unrolls his sleeping bag on the floor instead. I watch him at a loss for what to do, how to make something, anything better for him. He's lying down now, on top of the bag, an arm flung over his eyes. I take a deep breath and stop thinking as I move over to him. I do what comes naturally between me and Jace. I lie down next to him and fold my arms around him. He tenses but gradually that seems to subside and his body feels like it always has, next to mine. It feels strong and safe and it feels like home.

He lowers his arm and slowly turns to face me. "My own mother doesn't want me. Why would you?"

"Jace," my voice cracks with grief. I pull myself up so our eyes are level. It breaks my heart to see the walls come up. "Let's get something straight. Your mother brought you into this world and for that I am forever grateful. And despite everything, or God, I don't know, maybe because of the adversities, you've grown so strong and amazing and just ... perfect, and maybe she knows that and this is the best thing she can give you now, to try to move on with her life so you don't have to keep feeling responsible for her. We've known each other for a long time and the more I get to know you the more I want to know. Please look at me and see this truth. I love you. I'm permanent. I will always be here."

I think the steel behind his golden eyes may be wavering.

"Come on." I pull him up by his arms and I'm relieved he doesn't resist. "I'm not sleeping on this floor and I'm not leaving you here."


	16. Chapter 16 Still Be Us

I know it's late into the morning when I open my eyes. The sun shines high and pours its bright rays over my face. It wakes me. I try to squeeze my way back into the amaze-balls dream I was having but no luck. Instead I wrap my arms and legs around my pillow and hug it tightly against me. Except it's not my pillow. My eyes fly open and stare into the molded chest pressed against my face. Jace. I somehow stop myself from gasping. I don't want to wake him. He may still be asleep and honestly I'm too shell shocked to look up at his face and attempt to find out.

It's coming back to me. I remember last night now and how I pulled him into my room and onto my bed and held him until he fell asleep. He must have been exhausted because it didn't take very long before I could feel his lean body relax and drift off into unconsciousness. Me though, that took a while before I was able to fall into my own unconscious vortex. I was too on edge, not wanting to disturb his slumber with any erratic movements on my part and having our bodies pressed against each other didn't really have a calming effect on me. I sort of wondered how he could fall asleep so easily but I forced myself to stop obsessing over nonsense and eventually fatigue overtook me.

But now that I'm awake and I can feel every inch of his slamming body against my own limbs, I'm finding it kind of impossible to rein in my wayward desires and then I realize I'm not just holding him, he's holding me too. An electric current runs through my body, my head nestled in the crook of his arm, his other arm lying across my side. I plant my face into his chest, bring my arms up over his neck and pull myself up to face him. He's awake. Those impossibly gold eyes flutter, gazing back at me. No one else has eyes like his. I wonder how it took me so long to see these obvious things.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"I will be," he nods.

I angle my face to kiss him but he turns his face away and gently pushes me off. "Think we've been on this bed long enough. Should get up." He smiles at me. "Can I wash up first?"

"Uh, yeah, course. Go ahead." I stare at him questioningly and then before he rises off the bed, I put my arms around his neck and kiss him anyway.

I can feel him hesitate, holding himself back, his arms hovering over my waist and I ignore it.

"Clary," he whispers into my mouth, "your mother is out there," he murmurs.

I detach my lips from his mouth and look up at him. "Are we alright?"

He frowns. "Why wouldn't we be?"

An immediate surge of fear shoots through me. "I know things are messed up and confusing right now but I need to know that we're ... still ... that ... we still want the same things," I finish speaking hurriedly. I wish I could calm my nerves but it feels like they're literally spiking through my skin.

I think he's trying to control the expression on his face. It looks wrong, wooden and unnatural. "We should talk." He takes a deep breath. "Listen, I need you." And suddenly, the passion returns to his eyes.

I lay my hands on his chest. He places his hands over mine.

"You're my ...," He stops and his eyes drift away from me before a determined frown settles between his brows. "I need my best friend."

"I'm here. I'll always be here," I say fervently. "I love you. You know that, don't you?"

There's a fullness brimming in his eyes and I think we're going to be okay.

"And I love you," he answers softly. "But we shouldn't complicate this ... situation with ... more than that. I mean, we're living together now. We should stop ... what we've been doing, maybe ... see other people. Get back to ... normal. You should, you know, date ... other guys." He says all of these words in a jumble and doesn't meet my eyes.

"You're serious? You want me to date other guys. Like Jonathan?" I say without really comprehending what's coming out.

Jace exhales and looks into my eyes. "I want you to be happy. I want to know we're friends, we're family no matter what."

"But," I begin and my thoughts are a muddle. I don't know what to say. All I know is my heart hurts and I love him and I need him and I want him. And I guess he doesn't. He loves me but not the same. But I thought, I really thought he did and something amazing and special was blooming between us and ... " I want you to be my first," I say without any wavering.

His eyes widen and I can see the refusal in the set of his shoulders and jaw.

"I want you to do this as my friend, someone I love and trust. I don't want it to be anyone else and I can't ... move on ... until we've done it." I don't know what I'll do if he won't do it and then I realize what I have to say. "We can't be friends unless you do this for me. Please, just for my first time, and then ... I promise ... I'll ..." Can I do this? I have to, I resolve. "I'll just be your friend. You can see whoever you want and I'll date other guys." I'm looking at him but somehow not really looking because I can't bear it. He's the same golden haired boy I've known for most of my life, before I ever considered men and women together, romantically, sexually. But now he's everything I want and I don't know if I get to have him. Just the one time, I tell myself. I convince myself that will be enough.

I wonder if I'm seeing things because I think he's vibrating or the air around him vibrates and still I won't really look at him because I need to hear him say the words before I can look at his face, read what's on there the way I have on countless occasions.

"Not when your mother's around," he says quietly.

I look up then, examine his face, the cast of his mouth, the caramel depths of those eyes. There's something there that I can't identify and it saddens me because I realize that's become the new normal. It used to be so easy to know what he was thinking just by the playful gleam in his eyes, the smirk over his mouth, the wide smile revealing a chipped incisor. But I've seen what I want to see. Desire. He's trying to control it and I can't tell how much he wants this but it's enough that I know he does.

"Alright," I say. "But as soon as we have a few hours, alone." Somehow those words sound insanely hot and I marvel at how calmly I can speak when inwardly my body heats up and there's such a wet wanting between my legs, I squirm.

He nods slowly and my chest rises, my breasts plumping in excited anticipation.

He steps back, away from me, away from our joined hands at his chest. He won't look at me. He faces the floor as he steps backwards toward the door. He's not blushing. I've never seen him blush but there's something so uncertain and anxious in the way he moves that I imagine we've agreed that I'd take his virginity instead of the other way around.

He's about to leave my room, one hand on the door knob when my mom calls out from the hallway. "Clary, Jace, are you two sleepyheads up yet?"

"Yeah, mom," I answer just as Jace responds, "Yes, Jocelyn."

"I've got to go to the gallery. There's been a lot of interest in my recent submissions and they want me to come in, meet the new director," she speaks excitedly.

"Great, mom," l answer, my gaze locked on Jace, who is pointedly not looking back at me.

"So you guys can fend for yourselves today? After the gallery I'm heading to the Art Lab. They asked me to sub for Allie. She called in sick and then I'm meeting Luke for a bite so I'm not going to be back until late. After Eight, at least. Okay."

"Sure, mom," I call out.

I can't move or even think about moving until I hear the unmistakable sounds of her clomping boots, the whoosh and click of the front door as she locks it behind her.

"Clary," he breaks the silence.

I turn to him then, really taking in the full sight of his long frame, beautifully etched with wiry strength.

"We should wait," he says clearly. He still won't look at me, he's facing the door.

I'm about to agree because it's my first thought, that I'm not ready, but then I look at him and I think he's just agreed to do this and I think if I don't grab this chance now he'll convince himself that he shouldn't do it and it won't matter what I say then.

"No," I find my voice and my courage. "You agreed. When my mom's not around, when we have some time alone. She won't be back for more than eight hours. It's perfect."

I walk over to him and place my hands on his wide shoulders, lean my head against his chest. I can hear the rapid beating of his heart. More than anything, at this moment, I want him to want this as much as me. I lace my hands around his neck and pull his head down. I gently press my lips over his, alternatively nipping and lightly lapping at the soft curves with my tongue. I can just do this for hours but then his arms go around me and his mouth moves urgently over mine.

I feel completely held in his impassioned embrace and I'm lost. I need to feel his bare skin against mine. I grab the ends of his t-shirt and pull it up. He quickly shrugs it off and grabs me back into his arms, rejoining our mouths.

I'm really doing this. I twist out of my own t-shirt and suddenly we're both just standing there facing each other, our bare chests heaving with gulping breaths. My breathing quickens at the sight of his sculpted abdomen on full display, his pajama pants hanging low and revealing the beginning of a darker gold trail of hair. My eyes fall a little lower to the stiff tenting over the thin cloth of his pants.

"Something wrong?" I'm shivering I want him so badly.

"It's just," he pauses as his eyes roam up and down my body. "You know, I've never seen you without a top."

"Well, you've seen me in a bikini, practically topless'" I answer.

He shakes his head. "Um, no, that is definitely not the same."

"Do you want to touch them?" I sway my body, my nipples growing pointed and hard at his attentive stare.

"Yes," He looks serious, like he's trying hard to stay focused. "There's a lot I want to do to you but first I need to say something."

"You're not backing out, are you?" I try to ask teasingly but I'm pretty sure my voice sounds genuinely concerned.

"No, at this point I don't think I could stop even if I wanted to and I definitely," He hesitates then continues hurriedly, "want to fuck you but I need to be sure that you want this, that we'll still be us afterwards. I love you. You're my," His eyes turn beseeching, "only family now, my best friend."

"That will never change. I love you, too." I ignore the glaring warning I sense behind his words. I know what he needs to hear and I know what I need from him at this moment. "I just want you to be the one who opens me. And we'll still be you and me, friends, the very best friends who will really know each other inside and out, in every way. Is that so scary? Is that wrong?"

"Oh God," he groans and closes the short distance between us.


End file.
